flinnie Funny Status Messages



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   messageicon When people ask if they can get me anything, I always ask for a jetpack.
←Rate | 05-13-2011 03:50 by flinnie Comments (0)  


   messageicon Its hard to work when the theme song to the Gummi Bears cartoon is running through your head
←Rate | 05-15-2011 05:47 by flinnie Comments (0)  


   messageicon I bet the "YMCA" dance is a lot harder to do in different languages
←Rate | 05-18-2011 05:51 by flinnie Comments (0)  


   messageicon Did you know birthday cake is the only food you can blow on and spit on and everybody still rushes to get a piece?
←Rate | 05-19-2011 11:42 by flinnie Comments (0)  


   messageicon hey if tomorrow is the rapture could one of you atheists stop by and feed my dog? Feel free to help yourself to my prescription pills and booze
←Rate | 05-20-2011 06:53 by flinnie Comments (0)  


   messageicon I'm really going to crap my pants today if there is an apocalypse. Of course, I might just crap them anyhow, regardless what happens.
←Rate | 05-21-2011 02:15 by flinnie Comments (0)  


   messageicon My supervisor told me "I like working with you. You're the only one I can have a interlectrical conversation with". I don't know if I should feel honored, or ashamed that this man is my boss
←Rate | 05-22-2011 19:02 by flinnie Comments (0)  


   messageicon just saw a homeless guy blasting Nickleback on his radio, proving that listening to Nickelback leads to homelessness
←Rate | 05-23-2011 05:30 by flinnie Comments (0)  


   messageicon I hate having to hold my wife's purse when she's buying shoes, especially when she's buying them on Zappos!
←Rate | 05-23-2011 05:32 by flinnie Comments (0)  


   messageicon every time I come home after being around another dog, mine looks at me like I cheated on him
←Rate | 05-23-2011 05:34 by flinnie Comments (0)  


   messageicon Was anyone else hoping that the final Oprah show would include wearing tracksuits, taking poison and waiting for the mother ship to appear?
←Rate | 05-26-2011 04:16 by flinnie Comments (0)  


   messageicon Don't shoot the messenger. Unless his message is that he's going to stab you next week.
←Rate | 05-26-2011 04:24 by flinnie Comments (0)  


   messageicon I won't take a bullet for ANYONE because if I have time to jump in front of a bullet, you have time to move.
←Rate | 06-01-2011 05:55 by flinnie Comments (0)  


   messageicon If it wasn't for professional wrestling the companies that make metal trash cans would go out of business
←Rate | 06-01-2011 05:59 by flinnie Comments (0)  


   messageicon How would you even go about putting 99 bottles of beer on the wall in the first place?
←Rate | 06-03-2011 03:15 by flinnie Comments (0)  


   messageicon I was pretty sure that at this point in my career, I would have henchmen by now
←Rate | 06-03-2011 14:48 by flinnie Comments (0)  


   messageicon I don't often use violence on my coworkers. But when I do, I prefer the pimp slap. Stay frosty my friends.
←Rate | 06-03-2011 14:52 by flinnie Comments (0)  


   messageicon Looking for a new job. One that I can sit at a long table, take off my glasses, and say "If your calculations are correct...my God have mercy on our souls" Pay negotiable
←Rate | 06-05-2011 20:08 by flinnie Comments (0)  


   messageicon In 50 years, a bunch of 80 year-olds will know all the words to Ice Ice Baby.
←Rate | 06-08-2011 05:45 by flinnie Comments (0)  


   messageicon When I hear you say: "We need to work together." What I hear is you saying" "I'm not smart enough to complete this task."
←Rate | 06-08-2011 13:17 by flinnie Comments (0)  



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