Mick Funny Status Messages



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   messageicon Twisted Personal Ads: SWM seeking SWF. Age, ethnicity and religion not important. Nymphomaniacal tendencies and chronic laryngitis are a plus. Please reply to Box OU692
←Rate | 03-27-2017 10:46 by Mick Comments (0)  


   messageicon When your kid is locked in the bathroom with water running and he says he's doing nothing but the dog is barking, call 911.
←Rate | 03-28-2017 21:22 by Mick Comments (0)  


   messageicon The only reason I would take up jogging is so I could hear heavy breathing again.
←Rate | 03-28-2017 21:26 by Mick Comments (0)  


   messageicon How we'll truly know when the economy has rebounded: When Reggae bands go back to hiring guys whose only job it is to dance.
←Rate | 03-31-2017 07:11 by Mick Comments (0)  


   messageicon Don't give me this, "Just because I accepted your friend request, it doesn't mean I'm going to sleep with you" stuff. If I had wanted to sleep with you, it would've happened already.
←Rate | 04-02-2017 11:50 by Mick Comments (0)  


   messageicon A Baby Whirlpool Bathtub "With a calming whirlpool and massaging bubbles, your infant will enjoy a luxurious spa experience at home!" (Hey, you never know when a 5 month old may need to unwind.)
←Rate | 04-03-2017 11:43 by Mick Comments (0)  


   messageicon I've been wracking my brain trying to remember that movie where Joe Pesci plays a hot-tempered little tough guy.
←Rate | 04-03-2017 13:34 by Mick Comments (0)  


   messageicon If I don't lose some weight, I'm gonna get one of those lap band things. Not the surgery. I mean I'll be able to fit The Stones on my lap.
←Rate | 04-10-2017 11:45 by Mick Comments (0)  


   messageicon In United's defense, they only claimed the skies were friendly. They said nothing about what happens on the ground.
←Rate | 04-10-2017 13:27 by Mick Comments (0)  


   messageicon Those who speak charismatically does not mean they speak the truth.
←Rate | 04-16-2017 21:26 by Mick Comments (0)  


   messageicon Fun At The Office Tip: Eat an Easter egg on the Friday after Easter, then wait for the employees to start an office pool named, "What crawled up your a$$ and died?"
←Rate | 04-17-2017 10:52 by Mick Comments (0)  


   messageicon Today is Earth Day. The best way celebrate it just came to me. I'm going to go outside and stare at the ground for a while.
←Rate | 04-22-2017 10:40 by Mick Comments (0)  


   messageicon Q: What's Better Than A Rose On Your Piano? A: Tulips On Your Organ.
←Rate | 04-22-2017 12:57 by Mick Comments (0)  


   messageicon Earth is a beautiful planet. However, it's the disproportionate number of its horrible 7.5 billion inhabitants that were responsible for it receiving only 1 star on Intergalactic Yelp.
←Rate | 04-22-2017 14:57 by Mick Comments (0)  


   messageicon They say that inside every heavy person there's a thin person wanting to get out. I must have the entire cast of America's Next Top Model inside me.
←Rate | 04-25-2017 13:28 by Mick Comments (0)  


   messageicon Imitation is the sincerest form of flattery. Except for imitation grape soda; real grapes have never quite gotten over that one..
←Rate | 04-27-2017 11:12 by Mick Comments (0)  


   messageicon Fyre Festival Attendee: "I'll have a cheese sandwich." Fyre Festival Host: "Here you go, that'll be $1200.00." FF Attendee: "Hey, still cheaper than a sandwich at the airport."
←Rate | 04-29-2017 12:47 by Mick Comments (0)  


   messageicon Pineapple on pizza is as appealing as pepperoni on pineapple upside-down cake.
←Rate | 05-07-2017 14:59 by Mick Comments (0)  


   messageicon I have to go shopping. I got run over by a steam roller yesterday and need to get me a pair of size 200 x 14 pants.
←Rate | 05-13-2017 12:12 by Mick Comments (0)  


   messageicon Girlfriend: Mick, I'm miserable in our relationship. Me: FOR REAL? Girlfriend: Yes. I can't sleep. I can't eat. I've lost 10 lbs. Me: So you're saying it's over? Girlfriend: Well, not yet. I wanna lose 15.
←Rate | 05-15-2017 09:18 by Mick Comments (0)  




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