Truman Funny Status Messages

   If you don't need to change your shirt after eating a hot dog you're not doing it right!

   I've been having a problem with nuisance phone calls! The most common one seems to be "You said you'd be home from the pub three hours ago!"

   "What's the new baby's name?" "We don't know..we can't understand a word he says!"

   [Breaking News] Australian strawberries found in Salisbury!

   “Did you check your pockets?” - to a kangaroo who’s lost a child!

   Anyone want some staples? Hold your hands out!..[[[[[[[[[[[[[[[[[[[[[[[[[[[[[[[[[[[[[[[[[[[[[[[[[[[[[[[[[[[[[[[[[[[[[[[[[[[[[[[[[[ [[[[[[[[[[[[[[[[[....enough?

   Would it be legal to have a VERY loud duck-call in place of the more conventional car-horn..if it was operated in the same way?

   My piano playing must be improving, as my neighbours have broken all my windows so they can hear me better!!

   I'm pretty certain I'll never be a serial killer, since I don't have a middle name!

   In 5 years there will be no such thing as a baby gender - scan? You'll have to wait until it's 10 years old for it to tell you if it's a boy or a girl!

   People are strange? Last night the bloke in the next toilet stall to me started playing with himself? It put me right off my sandwich!

   "Damn, this is going to get ugly" I thought, as my wife removed her makeup!

   I, put commas, in, weird places, so that you, read my jokes, like, William Shatner!

   Guys, prove you're not a rapist by giving large sums of money to random women!

   I made my wife a Caesar salad last night! The dog was really pissed off though as it was his last tin!

   I hope aliens don't land in the next few years, because this is a really embarrassing time for humanity!

   Life consists of avoiding people you have seen naked, while trying to find new people to see naked?

   I often get a "yes" from women, but it's usually followed by, "that's him officer"

   First rule of Fight Club: Never hold it at a Saudi Arabian Embassy!

   My Girlfriend says our sex-life is so bad because I get so easily distracted? Ah well!..back to it I suppose!