K-Mac Funny Status Messages

   Guy asked girl "Does the carpet match the drapes?" she says, "Nope, hardwood floors"

   After years of watching CSI, I still have never figured out why, when they walk into a dark house, they do their investigation with flashlights. One would think you could do a more thorough job if you flipped on the light.

   Ever worry that the sensors on those automatic toilets are actually little video cameras? Bet you are now.

   These dating sites keep setting me up with weirdos, then I realized that they match you with people with similar interests.

   How many of my friends out there update their status' on their Blackberrys?....well?....Hello....<crickets>

   I just had an epifanny. I realized I can't spell epifanny.

   I saw a bumper sticker today that said "I(heart) Duck"...it tastes like chicken. I said "No it doesn't". Then I realized I was talking to a bumper sticker.

   Damn, three raptures and I'm still here....I'm starting to think there must be something wrong with me.

   Let's be sensitive this Halloween and not be rude. They are no longer "Ghosts", they are Apparition Americans.

   Facebook...this generations Rubiks Cube.

   You cannot have a Zen garden with the little rake and sand if you also have a cat. Trust me.

   If I ever get as excited about the McRib as the people in the commercials do....SLAP ME!

   Time to go out and pretend I'm putting up Christmas lights I never took down from last year.

   I hate daylight savings. Twice a year I have to set my alarm and get up at two in the morning to set my clock.....Damn.

   I feel like I woke up an hour too early this morning

   The fun thing about Facebook is......none you know if I'm naked or not.

   My dog was licking his nuts. My friend said "I wish I could do that". I said "You better pet him first, he's kind of mean".

   I'm pretty sure that lady from the Target ads is capable of killing anyone in her way.

   I saw a sign that said "Falling Rocks"....I tried it.....it doesn't.

   NBA's first games start Christmas day....Worst Christmas present EVER!!