Abraham Lincoln Funny Status Messages

   Today is International Kissing Day!.....Who wants one?...Wait, let me put my teeth in First!!!

   Got a Straw! ...Because you ''Suck!''

   My Neighbor mows his lawn every Sunday morning at 7:00am sharp! So tonight I'm listing his mower for sale on Craigslist at 11:00pm for only $5.00. That should keep his phone ringing most of the night!..........(sleeping in tomorrow!)

   There needs to be a phone-line to Heaven.....for the one's we miss!!!

   My parents accused me of being a liar today! All I said was ''Santa Claus'' ''Easter Bunny'' '' Tooth Fairy'' and walked away. Shut them Up!!!

   I enjoy a glass of Wine each night for it's health benefits! The rest of the bottle is for my flawless dance moves, and to make you look more appealling!

   I took my Cat and her six kittens to the Vet to get them spayed and neutered! The Vet asked ''Is the momma cat friendly?'' I said ''Well....Duh, How do you think we got in this mess in the first place!!!''

   Bruce Willis is working on the 5th Die Hard movie! They should call this one ''Just kill me already!!!''

   There isn't enough make-up in the world to cover-up crazy!!!

   Hey I found your nose! It was in everyone elses business again!!!

   I am an Illegal! I came to take your job. But you don't have one to take!!!

   Steven Tyler is quitting American Idol after two seasons! I sure am going to miss that old lady!!!

   Mic Jagger'snew book says he slept with 4,000 women!..........Well 3,999 if you subtract David Bowie!!!

   I'll et the same underage 14yr old Chinese worker who made the United States Olympic uniforms is the same 14yr old that beats us to win the Gold Medal in Gymnastics!!!

   Give a man a fish and he will eat for a day! Teach a man to fish and he will go out and purchase expensive fishing gear, stupid looking clothes,a sports utility vehicle,travel 1000 miles to a lake,to stand waist high to catch 2 fish!

   I ignored your Facebook Friend Request only because there isn't a ''Oh Hell No!'' Button!!!

   I was thinking of you today! I also threw up in my mouth a little, but it just might be a coincidence!!!

   Have you ever looked at someone and knew the wheel was turning but the Hampster was dead?!!!

   Why don't you slip into something nice like a ______________

   If a guys says ''I can't feel anything wearing trhis condom!'' Ask him if he can feel you sucking the money out of his paycheck for trhe next 18 years!!!''