@seddy90 Funny Status Messages

   i text one of my boss "Whats the difference between this morning and your daughter?".He says "I dont know" .I say "I'm not cuming in this morning

   There once was a man named Hawking, who got bored of walking He got on a scooter, attached a computer, and now it does all of his talking

   in America, we will eventually have a President that used to play Pokemon as a child. Scary

   from the moment I saw u, I wanted 2b inside u, The way you smell, The way ur tongue feels, The way you tighten n loosen.....mmmm new shoes

   Who cares if my grandkids aren't gonna see a polar bear? I didn't see a dinosaur

   I just read that 4,153,237 people got married last year, I don't want to start any trouble, but shouldn't that be an even number?

   Relationship has no guarantees. If that's what you're looking for, go live with a car battery.

   They say that hard work never killed anybody, but did you ever know anyone who rested to death?

   There has been only one Christmas -- the rest are anniversaries

   My wife is driving me crazy with nagging! I came back from the store with the list she gave me and now she's all on my case because I forgot ONE little kid.

   Facebook should have a ”no one cares” button

   It took Harry Potter 7 damn long books to catch the bad guy. When it only takes Scooby-Doo 25 minutes

   I don't want a relationship where people say "They look so cute together." I want one where they say, "Look how happy they are together."

   Sex is like school .. you miss a period & you're in trouble.

   B!tch If you can't fit your tweet into 140 characters, maybe you should shut the hell up.

   Black person: Jeans $200, Shirt $100, Shoes $160, pockets.. $0 White Person: Jeans $15, Shirt $20, Shoes $30, pockets $5,000"

   Goku had died and been ressurrected so many times it would make a Hindu dizzy.

   I never figured "HECK" is a combination of Hell and Fcuuk.

   BOSS: Built On Self Success.

   Flirting words = "Big head", "Punk", "Ugly", & "We gone fight."" ;)