truman Funny Status Messages



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   messageicon It seems only yesterday, my dear old mum telling me to wash my food before eating it! A lovely woman, but terrible sandwiches!
←Rate | 02-02-2019 02:22 by Truman Comments (0)  


   messageicon I think it is just terrible and disgusting how everyone has treated Lance Armstrong, especially after what he achieved winning 7 Tour De France races while on drugs. When I was on drugs, I couldn't even find my bike.
←Rate | 03-19-2013 23:12 by truman Comments (0)  


   messageicon My wife brought home a tub of ice-cream and asked if I wanted some. "How hard is it?" I asked. She cheekily replied, "As hard as you when you're thinking about me naked!". I said "Go on then, pour me a glass."
←Rate | 09-06-2018 01:21 by Truman Comments (0)  


   messageicon Was kind of surprised at all the swearing when I unplugged the church organ to charge my phone?
←Rate | 02-21-2019 01:37 by Truman Comments (0)  


   messageicon Because of Shania Twain I haven't been impressed much since 1997.
←Rate | 02-02-2019 06:39 by Truman Comments (0)  


   messageicon If the B in LGTB stands for Bi doesn't that mean there are only two genders?
←Rate | 09-15-2018 20:04 by Truman Comments (0)  


   messageicon I would pay so much money to watch the Harlem Globetrotters change a baby!
←Rate | 12-02-2018 10:15 by Truman Comments (1)  


   messageicon It's not so much that I love karate as that I hate wooden - planks!
←Rate | 09-14-2018 10:27 by Truman Comments (0)  


   messageicon Would it be legal to have a VERY loud duck-call in place of the more conventional car-horn..if it was operated in the same way?
←Rate | 09-26-2018 03:53 by Truman Comments (0)  


   messageicon I, put commas, in, weird places, so that you, read my jokes, like, William Shatner!
←Rate | 10-02-2018 02:56 by Truman Comments (1)  


   messageicon The downside of fame! I can't walk out of a nice restaurant without immediately being harassed and hounded by a waiter waving a bill?
←Rate | 02-02-2019 06:34 by Truman Comments (0)  


   messageicon I'll bet people with Tourette's make awful anatomy teachers!!
←Rate | 07-31-2018 18:29 by Truman Comments (0)  


   messageicon I went to view a house on a Native American reservation! "I like it" I said "Does it come with running water?" "Go to Hell Paleface" He replied.."Get your own wife!"
←Rate | 07-31-2018 09:22 by Truman Comments (0)  


   messageicon If you don't have your Florida ID with you on voting day, you can always show them a photo of yourself wearing a tank top to a funeral.
←Rate | 04-03-2020 07:13 by Truman Comments (0)  


   messageicon "How about a scarf?" - Johnny Depp's stylist every day!
←Rate | 08-17-2020 08:39 by Truman Comments (0)  


   messageicon I remember going to see Dr Hook in the 80s. Worst prostate exam ever!! 😲
←Rate | 11-25-2018 06:32 by Truman Comments (0)  


   messageicon I can drive a woman wild with my tongue! I say..‘Have you put weight on?’
←Rate | 09-18-2018 16:41 by Truman Comments (0)  


   messageicon I bet kangaroos get tired of holding all of their friend's keys and phones while they're at the beach?
←Rate | 10-24-2018 16:02 by Truman Comments (0)  


   messageicon “Did you check your pockets?” - to a kangaroo who’s lost a child!
←Rate | 09-24-2018 17:55 by Truman Comments (0)  


   messageicon Twerking and selfie have been officially added to the dictionary. Future and Optimism have been removed.
←Rate | 10-23-2013 20:48 by Truman Comments (0)  




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