gay jeffery Funny Status Messages

   A fun game to play is "hide-and-don't-answer-texts."

   Does Spiderman cry every time he passes a box of Uncle Ben's rice in the supermarket?

   Just once on Cops, Id like to see a shirtless criminal try to skip away from the cops instead of running

   I learned all my fighting moves from mortalkombat basically it's just me jumping and somersaulting until the other person gets tired&leaves

   It was all good at the HS reunion party until I laughed too hard my gun fell out of my pocket.

   I calculate how many girls ive been with the same way you convert °C to °F. Take the real figure, double it & add 30.

   okay so I'm confused..whats came out today? justin beiber or his alblum?

   I keep a jar labelled "HIV Virus" in my jacket so when someone tries to fight me, I show it to them and throw it at their feet and run.

   I just peed double streams. Is this my superpower?

   Just tried to park my car like Ace Ventura and now me and several other people are on our way to the nearest hospital.

   I love taking the grocery store up on their offer to carry my groceries out to my car for me

   You look so fckn gross when you're happy.

   Toasters as wedding gifts don't make sense. If you and the person you're marrying don't have a toaster maybe you're not ready to be married.

   If women want to be treated as equals to men, we're going to need to start seeing a lot more deadbeat moms and manizers.

   it offensive to bring your own chair to someone's apartment?

   Look, unless you're not blind, get your dog off your lap while you're driving

   I wrote a book called "How to pick up girls." Page 1 says "Maybe buy a motorcycle? I dunno?" The rest is just pictures of dudes

   "You gotta have Faith!" -enthusiastic review of a brothel on Yelp.

   Nothing like waking up to drunk texts from the guy you like blurting out his feelings for you and now it's your turn to play it cool.

   My neighbor called the cops because he thought I was screaming in pain when in fact I was just singing in the shower.