eaglet1122 Funny Status Messages



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   messageicon Man I love watching women's curling in the Olympics. It's the only time I get to drink beer while cheering on women sweeping and no one slaps me.
←Rate | 02-17-2014 22:21 by eaglet1122 Comments (0)  


   messageicon She was gone as fast as rum cake at an AA meeting!
←Rate | 02-26-2011 17:36 by eaglet1122 Comments (0)  


   messageicon 50 Shades of Grey..Girls can't wait to read it and Guys can't wait for the movie!
←Rate | 07-04-2012 00:05 by eaglet1122 Comments (0)  


   messageicon I plead a 5th of Jack Daniels!
←Rate | 10-06-2011 23:25 by eaglet1122 Comments (1)  


   messageicon Better get a bigger spatula before you try flipping that on me!
←Rate | 05-09-2011 01:52 by eaglet1122 Comments (0)  


   messageicon Stans' Rule #39: When showering at a guest house and your not 100% sure about the towel, DON'T dry your face. Doing so may lead to resentful feelings of said guest!
←Rate | 11-01-2010 15:26 by eaglet1122 Comments (0)  


   messageicon My kids are lucky, their crossing guard dresses as Santa every year. When I was a kid my crossing guard looked like Carla from Cheers.
←Rate | 12-22-2011 09:49 by eaglet1122 Comments (0)  


   messageicon Stevie Wonder's Twitter update was hilarious. it said," ahdshewsd€yts".
←Rate | 10-17-2010 19:36 by eaglet1122 Comments (0)  


   messageicon Facebook has allowed me to bring my "He's a distraction to the rest of the class" from grade school to a global scale!!
←Rate | 09-09-2011 06:45 by eaglet1122 Comments (0)  


   messageicon My dentist is smoking hot! I always ask for the lead vest, even though I don't need an X-Ray!
←Rate | 02-03-2011 16:49 by eaglet1122 Comments (0)  


   messageicon The guy with the diesel-powered lawn equipment finished doing what he was doing in the nick of time. I've taken my finger off the trigger....
←Rate | 01-07-2012 13:43 by eaglet1122 Comments (0)  


   messageicon I am steaming the widows with my iron and writing the words "Please Help Me" just to see what the nosy neighbors will do.
←Rate | 05-06-2011 20:47 by eaglet1122 Comments (0)  


   messageicon I like my ice at room temperature.
←Rate | 10-24-2010 08:56 by eaglet1122 Comments (0)  


   messageicon I may not be an organ donor, but I owe it to mankind to donate my humor to science!
←Rate | 11-30-2010 07:17 by eaglet1122 Comments (0)  


   messageicon I can always tell when it is Senior Citizen Discount Day at the grocery near my house. All the blue parking spaces are double parked.
←Rate | 05-05-2011 10:47 by eaglet1122 Comments (0)  


   messageicon Cello Green has T-Rex arms.
←Rate | 05-01-2012 22:56 by eaglet1122 Comments (0)  


   messageicon I must assume that my cell phone is pro-choice based off the number of calls it has aborted!
←Rate | 11-16-2011 20:13 by eaglet1122 Comments (0)  


   messageicon Closest thing I ever got to a hug growing up, was the scientist picking up the test tube!
←Rate | 03-24-2011 15:13 by eaglet1122 Comments (0)  


   messageicon New condom slogan...."Wrap it in latex or give her your paychex."
←Rate | 06-29-2012 21:51 by eaglet1122 Comments (0)  


   messageicon My feet must be gross. I can only get the wife to rub them if i'm wearing clean socks, but if one of the kids puke, she will catch it in her hands to avoid a mess.
←Rate | 10-11-2011 22:18 by eaglet1122 Comments (0)  



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