andrew jackson Funny Status Messages



Sort:  Recent   |   Oldest   |   Rating
Filter On | Filter Off | No Trump


Search Messages:
[Clear]

Search results for status messages containing 'andrew jackson': View All Messages
Page: 3 of 24

   messageicon Door bells should be made illegal in commercials. Pet owners know what I’m talking about.
←Rate | 06-20-2014 05:14 by andrew jackson Comments (0)  


   messageicon If aliens ever attack, I hope they do it in rows of 8, going right and left directly above me. I’m very skilled at shooting aliens this way
←Rate | 08-25-2014 05:32 by andrew jackson Comments (1)  


   messageicon Most of my workday is me thinking what my couch is doing right now
←Rate | 05-28-2014 05:14 by andrew jackson Comments (0)  


   messageicon I just don't understand why Flo from Progressive needs to have an apron on to sell car insurance.
←Rate | 11-03-2014 05:21 by andrew jackson Comments (0)  


   messageicon If people say you're acting "really weird," take it as a compliment that you usually only act semi-weird and now you're totally nailin' it.
←Rate | 08-26-2014 05:08 by andrew jackson Comments (0)  


   messageicon Upon learning how old I am, a 5 year old named "Braxten" told me I was "really old," so I whispered in his ear, "at least I have a real name"
←Rate | 04-29-2015 12:22 by andrew jackson Comments (0)  


   messageicon If we wait patiently, eventually we'll all play Batman in a movie.
←Rate | 05-22-2014 18:49 by andrew jackson Comments (0)  


   messageicon Screw you, space between my driver's seat and center console that's just the right size to accommodate every thing except my hand.
←Rate | 01-02-2014 02:03 by andrew jackson Comments (0)  


   messageicon This is gonna date me, but I remember when people used turn signals to notify other drivers of their intentions.
←Rate | 10-31-2013 05:52 by andrew jackson Comments (0)  


   messageicon Hey, car designers, you have kids, right? How is “limo window partition” between the front and back seat not an option yet?
←Rate | 04-30-2014 06:47 by andrew jackson Comments (0)  


   messageicon You know you're a bad driver when your GPS tells you "after 400 feet stop and let me out"
←Rate | 06-04-2014 05:32 by andrew jackson Comments (0)  


   messageicon I'm old enough to remember when the lamest thing in the world was to take pictures of yourself, like you had no friends
←Rate | 11-20-2013 05:27 by andrew jackson Comments (0)  


   messageicon I'm the Rain Man of knowing exactly how many fries you stole while I went to get napkins.
←Rate | 07-05-2015 19:22 by andrew jackson Comments (0)  


   messageicon Calling it Jerk Chicken is rude. Maybe it had a rough childhood, you don't know.
←Rate | 04-28-2015 13:49 by andrew jackson Comments (0)  


   messageicon The only F word out a woman's mouth that scares me is "fine."
←Rate | 01-29-2015 12:26 by andrew jackson Comments (0)  


   messageicon I just did 100 crunches. Crumbs everywhere.
←Rate | 04-17-2014 05:26 by andrew jackson Comments (1)  


   messageicon If Kanye didn’t sing “Gold Digger” while Kim walked down the aisle, I’m not interested in hearing anything about their wedding
←Rate | 06-04-2014 05:36 by andrew jackson Comments (0)  


   messageicon Going to one of those places where you chop down your own Christmas tree, and then try to get away before they catch you.
←Rate | 12-02-2013 07:48 by andrew jackson Comments (0)  


   messageicon here's to all the kids who have never found their name on anything in a souvenir store
←Rate | 08-12-2013 08:13 by andrew jackson Comments (0)  


   messageicon I hate it when TV shows say they contain “adult situations” but then don’t show anyone going to a job they hate, paying their bills or cleaning up their kid’s vomit.
←Rate | 06-11-2014 19:10 by andrew jackson Comments (0)  



[Search Results] [View All Messages]
Submit your own funny facebook status message here:
Name:
Status Message:

... characters left