Sarah Funny Status Messages



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   messageicon My husband gets so confused when I say yes to sex, you'd think I changed the location of his food bowl.
←Rate | 06-26-2013 12:41 by Sarah Comments (0)  


   messageicon Ladies; Beware of sensitive poetry and inspirational-stuff-writing guys. In my experience they cry after sex, ramble about rainbows and deer and insist that you cuddle.
←Rate | 01-20-2013 11:04 by Sarah Comments (0)  


   messageicon A dude wearing a Tap Out shirt tried to hit on me. Now I'm waiting for the Fire Dept to get my vagina down from a tree.
←Rate | 02-07-2013 13:08 by Sarah Comments (0)  


   messageicon I like cooking babies and lots of other stuff. I also hate punctuation.
←Rate | 07-05-2013 01:52 by Sarah Comments (0)  


   messageicon I named the spider in my kitchen 'Kris Kross' because it made me jump.
←Rate | 01-22-2013 12:34 by Sarah Comments (0)  


   messageicon Some chicks fake orgasms. I fake doing math in my head until you give me the answer
←Rate | 11-09-2013 11:08 by Sarah Comments (0)  


   messageicon 911: What's your emergency? Me: Do you think I'm pretty
←Rate | 06-28-2013 11:58 by Sarah Comments (0)  


   messageicon Guys like it when girls go commando, so I assassinated a Nicaraguan dictator.
←Rate | 01-24-2013 12:47 by Sarah Comments (0)  


   messageicon I've got a lot of respect for born again Christian women. God bless you all. (One less slut out there for me to compete with.)
←Rate | 01-21-2013 14:07 by Sarah Comments (0)  


   messageicon Apparently, sitting down all day makes your bum grow bigger. All I have to do is figure out how I'll start sitting using my chest.
←Rate | 08-18-2013 12:17 by Sarah Comments (0)  


   messageicon Just because you're in a committed relationship, doesn't mean you can't have friends of the opposite sex.
←Rate | 09-04-2011 15:58 by sarah Comments (0)  


   messageicon I'm a keeper...of bees.
←Rate | 09-20-2013 14:03 by Sarah Comments (0)  


   messageicon My nipples don't understand that I am going to a decent place.
←Rate | 12-14-2012 13:41 by Sarah Comments (0)  


   messageicon I'm just a girl, standing in front of a boy, asking him to not be a douchebag.
←Rate | 03-07-2013 03:11 by Sarah Comments (1)  


   messageicon 95% of my problems can be traced back to waiting on a man to do the right thing.
←Rate | 12-19-2012 00:16 by Sarah Comments (0)  


   messageicon Boy are you my bank statements because you're hilarious
←Rate | 06-16-2013 10:17 by Sarah Comments (0)  


   messageicon Do not blow dealers for crack; blow regular citizens for cash, then buy the crack directly.
←Rate | 06-16-2010 17:18 by Sarah Comments (0)  


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