M.A.C. Funny Status Messages

   I have a heart on...you know, so nobody tries to pinch me today...

   Buddy of mine said, “you need to take the bull by the horns”….I told him that he should go first, and after they put the bull down for mauling him, I'd just take him with steak sauce….smarter not harder folks….

   When someone says, “…please don't take this the wrong way, but…” Prepare to be judged by someone who wishes to judge you, but doesn't want to feel like an ass about it….

   Ladies...if the wind blows, and you hear a whistle...the 'gap' is no longer sexy, and you might want to consider different pants...

   Anyone else think Charlie Sheen snorted the fine line between recreational use and addiction?

   I'd like you more if facebook didn't update me on all your stupid thoughts……I said to myself….

   I've been reading some of the Black History Month material, and I can't find Buckwheat being shot anywhere…that's just wrong…

   I'm going to take a much needed break from reality, so I'm logging off, and getting some work done...

   And now, a few words by Stevie Wonder... ".. ...:.. ::.... .. . .:.:: ... :.::..." Pretty deep right? I damn near cried when he said, ".:.:: ... :.::..."

   just realized how valuable photoshop can be...when you need to pin something on your boss...like a donkey…for blackmail…

   NEVER let someone know what annoys you...or you will fuel their fire...

   my manly shoulders will be here for you to cry on, as soon as your husband admit's he's gay....

   If I ever become epileptic, I'm going to get a tattoo that reads Carpe Diem....for the irony....

   I want to wish all the women out there a Happy International Woman's Day!! I plan on celebrating it by giving money to Charity...and Candy...and Mercedes...and the other one usually on stage 4...

   reminded my buddy to let his faucet drip...forgot he had gonorrhea...another awkward moment brought to you by STD's...

   does anyone else think that Bert and Ernie weren't so much 'funny ha ha' as they were 'funny...well...you know...

   I just saw an advertisement for a singles site that read, “Meet sincere singles over 40”. Thank you, but no thank you, as I'm in search of a deceitful woman...again.....

   just heard that Lady Gaga will top her last performance by rebirthing....Special Guest: Octomom...

   pretty sure that "Can't we just be friends?" means --> "I just wanna use you, like some kind of emotional tampon 3 to 5 days a month, with no strings attached..."

   Who uses 1800FLOWERS? ....seems like overkill...a card and a dozen would probably work...