Jiffy Pop Funny Status Messages



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   messageicon We cover every dish we take to Grandma's house with aluminum foil. That way the Aliens wont be able to know what we're eating this time.
←Rate | 11-28-2013 00:29 by Jiffy Pop Comments (0)  


   messageicon I think married people should spend a lot of time experimenting sexually. Unless the name of the experiment is "Let's see how long I can make him go without sex".
←Rate | 01-22-2014 08:13 by Jiffy Pop Comments (0)  


   messageicon I always carry a very specialized custom survival knife, but it's not sharp. It's for cake or pie emergencies.
←Rate | 12-11-2013 03:04 by Jiffy Pop Comments (0)  


   messageicon I think what I'm thankful for most this Thanksgiving is not having to read thirty more days of what everyone is thankful for.
←Rate | 11-27-2013 23:24 by Jiffy Pop Comments (0)  


   messageicon Some days I feel about as useful as the pants in Donald Duck's closet.
←Rate | 02-24-2014 05:46 by Jiffy Pop Comments (0)  


   messageicon "If you like your insurance, you can keep it" is the new "I did not have sεx with that woman, Monica Lewinski" Only difference is now millions and millions of Americans are being taken advantage of by a sneaky guy in the Oval Office ...
←Rate | 11-16-2013 10:29 by Jiffy Pop Comments (0)  


   messageicon I always try to see my relatives with love and affection during the Holidays. When I can't I try to see if there is more Bourbon available.
←Rate | 12-14-2013 22:06 by Jiffy Pop Comments (0)  


   messageicon Some of the happiest years of a woman's life are when she's 29.
←Rate | 11-12-2013 05:55 by Jiffy Pop Comments (0)  


   messageicon Ironically, Madonna's offer to Hillary Voters was the same one Amy Schumer made to her producers to get her comedy show in the first place.
←Rate | 10-20-2016 03:54 by Jiffy Pop Comments (0)  


   messageicon I wish I could slim down my waistline during the Holidays like my wife slims down my wallet.
←Rate | 12-07-2013 02:54 by Jiffy Pop Comments (0)  


   messageicon Any teenager who is anxious to run his or her own life is obviously too young to do it.
←Rate | 10-28-2013 23:50 by Jiffy Pop Comments (0)  


   messageicon My wife actually questioned whether or not I really listen to her while the TV is on. I can't believe she actually interrupted the game just to tell me that.
←Rate | 10-26-2013 00:25 by Jiffy Pop Comments (0)  


   messageicon My favorite part of Thanksgiving day is when I stuff the Bird. My wife enjoys it too but wishes I'd find another nickname for her lady parts.
←Rate | 11-27-2013 23:12 by Jiffy Pop Comments (0)  


   messageicon The best thing about "Freedom of Speech" is that everyone can openly express their Religious and Political views. The worst thing about "Freedom of Speech" is that everyone can openly express their Religious and Political views.
←Rate | 10-23-2013 14:21 by Jiffy Pop Comments (0)  


   messageicon At my age I only have two goals: to keep working a real job and to keep flossing real teeth.
←Rate | 10-31-2013 02:16 by Jiffy Pop Comments (0)  


   messageicon The secret to life is to always do whatever's next.
←Rate | 10-31-2013 02:23 by Jiffy Pop Comments (0)  


   messageicon I'm not a Dr. or a Nutritionist, but I'm pretty sure the worst thing you can put into any high fat/ high calorie dish is your fork.
←Rate | 10-28-2013 03:05 by Jiffy Pop Comments (0)  


   messageicon "It's no surprise that Brittany Spears lip syncs, but her fierce choreography makes up for it," says one Critic about her new Las Vegas show...Hasn't Brittany's dancing ALWAYS made up for what she calls her singing since day one?
←Rate | 12-28-2013 15:28 by Jiffy Pop Comments (0)  


   messageicon The way that people always talk how they wouldn't do it has convinced me that there is a lot of touching things with ten foot poles that we don't know about.
←Rate | 12-22-2013 03:12 by Jiffy Pop Comments (0)  


   messageicon "Braindead" is a new show on CBS about Aliens who invade the U.S. Capitol then seek to eat the minds of our leaders in order to inhabit their bodies. Those poor Aliens. They're going to starve if they're trying to find brains in Washington DC.
←Rate | 06-15-2016 23:27 by Jiffy Pop Comments (0)  



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