J. BIAZA Funny Status Messages

   My girlfriend always complains that I don't take her anywhere expensive.. So I took her to the Gas Station.

   Todays Thing To Do: Make a To-Do list.

   My car smells like if you were somehow able to get inside a potato.

   Just put my money where my mouth is. Pennies taste disgusting.

   If my death is as extraordinary as my life... then I should go quietly in my sleep.

   I would have emailed sooner, but my cat ate my mouse.

   If you don't like my sense of humor please tell me… so I can laugh at you!

   I always choose Pepsi over Coca-Cola because I prefer my soda dehyphenated.

   Creating creative statuses is one of the many habits of highly effective people!

   When you start smoking beers and drinking cigarettes its time to quits call it.

   n't it a bit unnerving that doctors call what they do “practice”?

   Just had 2 thoughts during my massage. 1.I hope my body is not in an odd position when I die. 2.I don't think I've ever seen a live otter."

   I'm kinda bored...I think I'm gonna go hang this 'No U-Turn' sign in a cul-de-sac somewhere.

   Not even Clint Eastwood could make a Segway cop look bad a$$.

   A soulpatch is like a Corvette for your face.