Goober Peas Funny Status Messages



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   messageicon "Sometimes, women are so sensitive! Very nicely, I asked the woman sitting next to me if I could smell her armpits. "NO!" she exclaimed. I said, "Well, it must be your feet then." Now she's looking for something large to hit me with ツ
←Rate | 02-06-2013 12:15 by Goober Peas Comments (0)  


   messageicon Boy, if it keeps snowing, someone's gonna haveta shovel the darn driveway. I think I'll text her ツ
←Rate | 01-06-2013 11:58 by Goober Peas Comments (0)  


   messageicon You can pick your nose and pick your friends, but you can't wipe your friends on the back of the couch and you're not even reading this anymore are you...
←Rate | 12-18-2012 11:52 by Goober Peas Comments (0)  


   messageicon What do you get when you alternate eating cheese and granola? Natures very own 'thunder beads'! BOOM! ツ
←Rate | 12-31-2012 20:17 by Goober Peas Comments (0)  


   messageicon So we're supposed to get up to 8 inches tonight? I've been promising my wife that for years ツ
←Rate | 02-07-2013 13:22 by Goober Peas Comments (0)  


   messageicon Much to my dismay, chocolate labs aren't quite as delicious as one might think ツ
←Rate | 01-30-2013 13:59 by Goober Peas Comments (0)  


   messageicon I believe I'm now at the age where wishing for something really hard and pooping your pants is pretty much the same thing ツ
←Rate | 06-24-2014 14:25 by Goober Peas Comments (0)  


   messageicon I just seen a place advertising pink wipers. Personally, I don't care what color they are as long as they don't start gagging and call me disgusting like my last wiper did ツ
←Rate | 10-10-2012 14:41 by Goober Peas Comments (0)  


   messageicon My love for bacon is kinda like diarrhea... I just can't hold it in ツ
←Rate | 12-28-2012 09:37 by Goober Peas Comments (0)  


   messageicon Words of Wisdom: Don't cover your mouth when you sneeze. You'll get snot and stuff all over your hands ツ
←Rate | 04-19-2013 12:44 by Goober Peas Comments (0)  


   messageicon "I bet you're the kinda girl who likes the strong, silent type, aren't you?" ~ best way to announce passing gas in an office setting while avoiding sexual harassment charges ツ
←Rate | 04-09-2013 13:55 by Goober Peas Comments (0)  


   messageicon ‎"Did you sit in a pile of sugar? Uhhh... 'cause you've got white stuff all over your butt." ~ Guy who's really bad at pick-up lines ツ
←Rate | 12-08-2012 15:40 by Goober Peas Comments (0)  


   messageicon If I had a really small dog that took really big poops, I'm pretty sure I would name him Deuce ツ
←Rate | 03-04-2013 23:05 by Goober Peas Comments (0)  


   messageicon Walking calmly and nonchalantly to the bathroom and then fighting to get my britches down in record time so's I don't poop down a pant leg seems to be among my most recent list of super powers today. Life is good ツ
←Rate | 09-10-2013 12:39 by Goober Peas Comments (0)  


   messageicon Oh bloody hell! Someone has eaten all of the figgy pudding! ツ
←Rate | 12-25-2012 14:21 by Goober Peas Comments (0)  


   messageicon A friend of mine said that being gay wasn't so bad, but sometimes it's a real pain in the ass ツ
←Rate | 03-14-2013 06:02 by Goober Peas Comments (0)  


   messageicon I don't always drink and drive, but when I do, I make sure the kids are strapped safely in their car seats. That's called responsible parenting ツ
←Rate | 06-21-2013 11:56 by Goober Peas Comments (0)  


   messageicon Doing a 'selfie' actually means something quite different than what I had originally thought. Sorry weird stranger, whom I called a 'sticky handed monkey pounder'. My bad ツ
←Rate | 07-01-2013 13:31 by Goober Peas Comments (0)  


   messageicon I can hardly wait for asparagus season! The red and green colors in the toilet remind me of Christmas ツ
←Rate | 05-08-2013 20:11 by Goober Peas Comments (0)  


   messageicon I think I read somewhere that there will be no farting in heaven, but I bet it's still a really cool place ツ
←Rate | 12-06-2013 10:10 by Goober Peas Comments (0)  



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