BigSarge Funny Status Messages



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   messageicon Stand next to a guy using a public urinal...Stare at him...Wait until he looks at you.Look in his eyes and say "Don't make this weird, bro."
←Rate | 05-24-2013 16:14 by BigSarge Comments (0)  


   messageicon You treat your body like a temple? That’s nice......... I treat mine like a wh0reh0use above a liquor store next to a 24 hr Taco Bell.
←Rate | 05-17-2013 04:11 by BigSarge Comments (0)  


   messageicon I'm updating my resume and I need your opinion. Which is a more marketable skill: Awesome high fives or mad rock paper scissors skills?
←Rate | 06-14-2013 13:42 by BigSarge Comments (1)  


   messageicon New "Shots" Game: Tape a fake mustache to your TV. Drink every time it lines up with someone's face.
←Rate | 03-27-2013 02:11 by BigSarge Comments (0)  


   messageicon Wife: You left your Facebook account open and-- Me: *bites down on cyanide capsule*
←Rate | 06-13-2013 04:14 by BigSarge Comments (0)  


   messageicon When you watch Jersey Shore, Darwin cries.
←Rate | 05-23-2013 16:37 by BigSarge Comments (0)  


   messageicon Whenever I say: "I'm as sober as a Judge" I'm talking about Paula Abdul.
←Rate | 08-19-2013 17:12 by BigSarge Comments (0)  


   messageicon If I did road work I'd be that guy, the one who's leaning on his shovel and looks concerned while the other guys did all the work.
←Rate | 05-21-2013 02:11 by BigSarge Comments (0)  


   messageicon I hope they have strippers at my funeral.
←Rate | 07-30-2013 11:59 by BigSarge Comments (0)  


   messageicon I'm coming out with a workout video called "Beached Whale Body". It's just a video of me sitting on my recliner with my computer on my lap and phone in hand.
←Rate | 05-14-2013 22:34 by BigSarge Comments (0)  


   messageicon I just found a liquor store that gives air-miles. Should be visiting the Great Wall of China next week!!!
←Rate | 06-07-2013 02:45 by BigSarge Comments (0)  


   messageicon Part of my workout routine is that I always get hammered before I go jogging...... That way I never go jogging.
←Rate | 03-17-2013 02:30 by BigSarge Comments (0)  


   messageicon you are so beautiful that when we are out, people assume I'm dying and you must be from the Make a Wish Foundation.
←Rate | 05-23-2013 23:24 by BigSarge Comments (0)  


   messageicon I lost my virginity in a high-stakes game of "Just the Tip".
←Rate | 08-28-2013 23:39 by BigSarge Comments (0)  


   messageicon Nothing ruins a good porn like a malnourished donkey
←Rate | 07-01-2013 22:50 by BigSarge Comments (0)  


   messageicon I just put cheese spread on a Cheez-It and now I understand quantum physics.
←Rate | 06-13-2013 22:44 by BigSarge Comments (0)  


   messageicon If you're homeless and living under a bridge you have an obligation to know at least one riddle.
←Rate | 08-17-2013 19:23 by BigSarge Comments (0)  


   messageicon So one of the kids shouted "TIGGA PLEASE!"..... and that's the story of why my wife doesn't let me watch Winnie The Pooh with the kids anymore.
←Rate | 06-24-2013 20:50 by BigSarge Comments (0)  


   messageicon Has anyone found my black box yet? I'm kinda curious to see where it all went wrong?
←Rate | 05-14-2013 02:39 by BigSarge Comments (0)  


   messageicon Men, if you had your choice between brains or b0obs, which cup size do you prefer?
←Rate | 03-04-2014 21:35 by BigSarge Comments (0)  



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