Abraham lincoln Funny Status Messages

   Marriage.........when dating goes way too far!

   I have one nerve left! And you're dry humping it!....Go Away!!!

   I hope Adele and Eminem never date, can you imagine what their breakup albums would be like!

   You can't have a Consumer-based economy if none of the consumers have jobs and can't afford to consume!!!

   I had a girlfriend that said she was leaving me because I was so arrogant! I told her to close the door on her way back in!!!

   I was thinking of you today! I also threw up in my mouth a little, but it just might be a coincidence!!!

   I've been Nominted for Facebooks New Award, Most Funny/Best Posts in 2012!.......In other news I lost my job, my wife, car, and all contact with the outside World!!!

   Mic Jagger'snew book says he slept with 4,000 women!..........Well 3,999 if you subtract David Bowie!!!

   A North Korean man announce yesterday that his Dog gave birth to a 1/2 Dog 1/2 Cat offspring! Also referred to in Korea as the #2 ''Combo''!!!

   There isn't enough make-up in the world to cover-up crazy!!!

   I don't know what all this fuss is about Same Sex Marriage! Me and my wife have been having the same sex for 21yrs! It's boring but it isn't worth getting all upset over!!!

   Have you ever looked at someone and knew the wheel was turning but the Hampster was dead?!!!

   Got a little too much Sun today! I knew I should have closed the blinds!

   So the North Korean soccer team won their opening game at the Olympics yesterday! I'm guessing they will be allowed to live, at least until they lose!

   The NewYork Knicks announced they are going to cut off Beer sales after the 3rd Quarter of games starting next season! Not to worry though, that's just for point guard Jason Kidd!!!

   Penn State announced the reason they took down the Joe Paterno statue was becuase of the jokes and fun the University was being subjected to! This coming from a school that has a stadium named ''Beaver''

   R.I.P. Andy Griffith..........There's a new sheriff in town!

   I ignored your Facebook Friend Request only because there isn't a ''Oh Hell No!'' Button!!!

   Had one too many lastnight! Woke up to my neighbor mowing his lawn! .....I don't care, I am not moving! He's just going to have to mow around me!!!

   Only God can Judge Me!....and some family, a few friends, the neighbors, definitely a couple co-workers! And all my Facebook friends!!!