@truebeachbabe Funny Status Messages

   I don't understand the whole gay women play softball thing. Please explain to me because it's a bunch of girls who like to hold wood & catch balls in spandex on their free time...

   already on the naughty list. Santa... I can explain.

   climbing in your windows & snatching your people up. Hide yo kids. Hide yo wife.

   I have to be successful because I have very expensive taste.

   People are so concerned about having to wait to see if Trump will want a recount, but are completely forgetting Bernie's and Gore's recounts. Hillary even started the Obama "birther" movement to end his legitimacy. #hypocrites

   Diet Dedication: When the chicken on your Subway salad kinda tastes like fish, but you eat it anyways because worse comes to worst, you'll just lose a few more pounds.

   I'm almost perfect when I heavily edit my selfies.

   Sometimes I prefer to use my face for emoticons.

   My parents never let me play with anything magical or watch anything violent as a kid. I just had family-friendly games trying to figure out who murdered this guy in the library with a wrench.