Funny Status Messages



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   messageicon It doesn't matter if you're black or white, heterosexual or homosexual, man or woman because cats hate all of you.
←Rate | 07-26-2018 14:43 Comments (0)  


   messageicon It’s Thursday… or as I like to call it, “Day 4 of the hostage situation.”
←Rate | 01-05-2018 19:54 Comments (0)  


   messageicon The people that are trying to make the world worse never take a day off, why should I? Light up the darkness.
←Rate | 01-03-2018 05:54 Comments (1)  


   messageicon Just remember son -- when you text a girl, you are also texting at least 5 of her friends.
←Rate | 09-02-2017 23:44 by markf Comments (0)  


   messageicon Sarcasm is the ability to insult stupid people without them realizing it.
←Rate | 09-25-2017 18:53 Comments (0)  


   messageicon Dear Amazon, I bought a vacuum filter from you because that model is hard to find. It was necessary, not because I am fond of them. I am not a vacuum filter collector. No matter how many ads you display, or emails you send me, I am not desperate for more.
←Rate | 04-27-2018 18:07 Comments (0)  


   messageicon Mom: Some scary old lady keeps FaceTiming me. Me: Mom, turn your camera around and she’ll go away.
←Rate | 06-27-2018 13:37 Comments (0)  


   messageicon If "The Breakfast Club" was made today, it would be a silent film about five kids staring at their phone
←Rate | 07-01-2018 22:45 by Kyla Comments (0)  


   messageicon Facebook just suggested I poke my wife.....yeah good one Facebook.....been trying for weeks!
←Rate | 08-28-2018 09:05 by Stevielea Comments (2)  


   messageicon They told me I’d never be any good at poetry because I’m dyslexic, but so far I’ve made two jugs and a vase!
←Rate | 10-11-2018 06:26 Comments (3)  


   messageicon I'd just like to congratulate the person that invented the wobbly restaurant table! They're basically everywhere now!
←Rate | 11-06-2018 04:46 by Truman Comments (0)  


   messageicon A fun prank for Halloween is to train your dog to sit and growl at the padlocked closet as your guests arrive
←Rate | 01-09-2018 20:40 Comments (0)  


   messageicon I wish people who say 'thanks, but no thanks' would make up their mind on where they stand on gratitude.
←Rate | 04-12-2018 00:28 Comments (0)  


   messageicon when you drop your iphone, remember that's gravity that makes the apple fall
←Rate | 07-30-2017 22:52 by Eddy Comments (0)  


   messageicon If laziness was an Olympic sport, I would want to come in Fourth so I wouldn't have to walk up to the podium.
←Rate | 11-12-2018 09:56 Comments (0)  


   messageicon Wild Turkey on the rocks helps to cope with your relatives on Thanksgiving.
←Rate | 11-20-2018 15:38 by Pilgrim Comments (0)  


   messageicon Having a non stick pan with a sticker stuck on it saying non stick pan is one of the reasons I don’t think humans deserve control over earth
←Rate | 01-09-2019 01:37 Comments (1)  


   messageicon If you think men are the stronger sex, watch a man react when the girlfriend says "what did you just say to me?"
←Rate | 04-17-2018 12:08 Comments (0)  


   messageicon hard liquor because I don't don't have time or patience to sit around drinking 9 bottles of wine every day
←Rate | 05-16-2018 23:23 Comments (0)  


   messageicon If you mix vodka, orange juice and milk of magnesia... Do you get a Phillips screwdriver?
←Rate | 05-19-2018 08:15 Comments (0)  




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