Funny Status Messages and Tweets

Funny Status Messages for Facebook, Discord, and Whatsapp and funny tweets for Twitter.

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   messageicon Me: trying to be polite. Mmm… this tastes like something I only want to eat once.
←Rate | 05-30-2022 00:03 Comments (0)  


   messageicon People who get offended when I breastfeed in public need to calm down. What I’m doing is natural and it strengthens the bond between me and my dog.
←Rate | 06-19-2022 02:40 Comments (0)  


   messageicon The happiest person in the world is probably not on social media.
←Rate | 06-24-2022 23:14 Comments (0)  


   messageicon The two e’s in bee might actually be silent.
←Rate | 07-23-2022 23:29 Comments (0)  


   messageicon You can’t leave those who created the problem in charge of the solution.
←Rate | 06-19-2022 02:37 Comments (0)  


   messageicon Calm down museum man. I think it’s obvious I know how to ride a dinosaur skeleton.
←Rate | 04-27-2022 01:14 Comments (0)  


   messageicon Babe, listen, I need you to bring me $15,000 in cash and a passport. I out pizza’d the hut and they’re after me.
←Rate | 04-29-2022 00:50 Comments (0)  


   messageicon If a bag is not resealable, it contains one serving.
←Rate | 04-29-2022 23:26 Comments (0)  


   messageicon An intelligent man is sometimes forced to be drunk to spend time with his fools.
←Rate | 01-11-2023 00:53 Comments (0)  


   messageicon The furniture in Kung Fu Movies breaks so easily because it’s made in China.
←Rate | 07-18-2022 01:26 Comments (0)  


   messageicon I panic at a lot of other places besides the disco.
←Rate | 06-19-2022 02:41 Comments (0)  


   messageicon At this point, conspiracy theories might as well be called spoiler alerts.
←Rate | 06-24-2022 23:11 Comments (0)  


   messageicon Finally got 8 hours of sleep, it only took 3 days or whatever.
←Rate | 07-23-2022 00:02 Comments (0)  


   messageicon I fully intend to haunt people when I die. I have a list.
←Rate | 05-26-2022 21:16 Comments (0)  


   messageicon Date a cat owner. They love something that doesn’t even like them back.
←Rate | 06-03-2022 02:52 Comments (0)  


   messageicon My favorite color is freedom, so light up the sky like it’s the 4th of July.
←Rate | 07-04-2022 03:00 Comments (0)  


   messageicon there anything I can destroy or eat in here? No? Well, you’re lucky to have me. ~ The Cat
←Rate | 06-21-2022 22:46 Comments (0)  


   messageicon I just want someone to laugh at my jokes the way that Kamala laughs at questions she can’t answer.
←Rate | 07-01-2022 01:47 Comments (0)  


   messageicon You’re about as useful as an ashtray on a motorcycle.
←Rate | 01-23-2023 03:47 Comments (0)  


   messageicon The phrase "bang for your buck" isn't what I thought it was.
←Rate | 03-21-2022 16:58 Comments (0)  




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