Kisstopher707 Funny Status Messages



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   messageicon As I get older and I remember all the people I've lost along the way I think to myself, maybe a career as a tour guide wasn't for me
←Rate | 08-16-2017 14:14 by Kisstopher707 Comments (0)  


   messageicon I wish I could match my dog's excitement to go outside.
←Rate | 08-24-2017 23:24 by Kisstopher707 Comments (0)  


   messageicon I now have permanent vision loss due to excessive eye-rolling at stupid idiots.
←Rate | 09-10-2017 04:39 by Kisstopher707 Comments (0)  


   messageicon You can't tell me what to do; you're not my demons.
←Rate | 09-18-2017 01:36 by Kisstopher707 Comments (0)  


   messageicon The fatter the man, the more Hawaiian the shirt.
←Rate | 10-22-2017 06:06 by Kisstopher707 Comments (0)  


   messageicon Please pray for all the people at my last job. They're fine but they still work there
←Rate | 10-25-2017 02:25 by Kisstopher707 Comments (1)  


   messageicon I graduated at the top of my anger management class
←Rate | 10-25-2017 02:52 by Kisstopher707 Comments (0)  


   messageicon If I wanted human interaction i'd take my headphones off during this date.
←Rate | 10-25-2017 15:06 by Kisstopher707 Comments (0)  


   messageicon I get all the cardio I need by digging my own grave.
←Rate | 10-25-2017 15:54 by Kisstopher707 Comments (0)  


   messageicon There are two types of people in the world. Please stay away from both of them.
←Rate | 10-28-2017 07:20 by Kisstopher707 Comments (0)  


   messageicon Love is...never having to say “wrong hole”
←Rate | 10-30-2017 02:48 by Kisstopher707 Comments (0)  


   messageicon Every time I try dating I get a new sister.
←Rate | 11-02-2017 00:46 by Kisstopher707 Comments (1)  


   messageicon ME: *putting two and two together* yep. it’s definitely four
←Rate | 11-06-2017 01:21 by Kisstopher707 Comments (0)  


   messageicon I’m just here for the unsolicited parenting and relationship advice.
←Rate | 11-12-2017 01:31 by Kisstopher707 Comments (0)  


   messageicon -inventing vodka- who’s thirsty for yeast infected potato juice?
←Rate | 11-15-2017 13:49 by Kisstopher707 Comments (0)  


   messageicon The only person I wanna chat with is my dog.
←Rate | 11-15-2017 13:49 by Kisstopher707 Comments (0)  


   messageicon My Dominatrix is so cruel and kinky, she makes me drink orange juice right after I brush my teeth.
←Rate | 11-16-2017 00:25 by Kisstopher707 Comments (0)  


   messageicon Just finished writing a book for new parents called “You Just Made a Big Mistake.”
←Rate | 11-17-2017 09:13 by Kisstopher707 Comments (1)  


   messageicon I liked Meatloaf before he got all soft on us and changed his name to Adele.
←Rate | 11-17-2017 09:32 by Kisstopher707 Comments (0)  


   messageicon If a man puts a vibrator to his ear he’ll hear how he’s not good in bed.
←Rate | 11-20-2017 13:00 by Kisstopher707 Comments (0)  



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