Funny Status Messages and Tweets

Funny Status Messages for Facebook, Discord, and Whatsapp and funny tweets for Twitter.

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Page: 244 of 6367

   messageicon No high school reunion for me. I can see most of them on Cops.
←Rate | 05-27-2021 07:34 Comments (0)  


   messageicon How many times do you have to click “I accept cookies” before they send you the cookies?
←Rate | 05-27-2021 07:31 Comments (0)  


   messageicon "Elon Musk" sounds like a new fragrance from Pierre Cardin.
←Rate | 05-27-2021 06:52 Comments (0)  


   messageicon This thing of “Sorry babe I was sleeping” must come to an end. People must decide whether they want to sleep, or to be in a relationship.
←Rate | 05-27-2021 00:21 Comments (0)  


   messageicon Masturbat¡on is like s€x, but without the smells and major clean-up.
←Rate | 05-26-2021 11:34 Comments (0)  


   messageicon They don't need to microchip you. You're literally holding a tracking device right now.
←Rate | 05-25-2021 22:59 Comments (0)  


   messageicon I’m trying to teach our self cleaning oven how to do the rest of the house.
←Rate | 05-25-2021 08:35 Comments (0)  


   messageicon I’ve never seen the movie Snakes On A Plane. What’s it about?
←Rate | 05-25-2021 08:26 Comments (0)  


   messageicon It took a full year of homeschooling but I managed to teach my children how little I know.
←Rate | 05-25-2021 08:26 Comments (0)  


   messageicon Thank you to all the people who gave their lives figuring out which mushrooms we can and can’t eat.
←Rate | 05-25-2021 08:24 Comments (0)  


   messageicon Just ate a cheap foil-covered Easter egg & it was so disgusting, I ate 10 more to ensure my initial assessment was correct.
←Rate | 05-25-2021 07:40 Comments (0)  


   messageicon Some random number just texted me thinking he was texting his manager saying that he was gonna be a few minutes late today. So I just gave him the day off.
←Rate | 05-24-2021 15:21 by @svaldez187 Comments (0)  


   messageicon Saw an old man dancing in the street, and couldn’t help but wonder if he had finally paid off his student loan.
←Rate | 05-24-2021 15:09 Comments (0)  


   messageicon Calm on the outside. Screaming goat on the inside.
←Rate | 05-24-2021 08:13 Comments (0)  


   messageicon Assert dominance in the prison yard by starting a conga line.
←Rate | 05-24-2021 08:12 Comments (0)  


   messageicon I came up with a new drinking game. Watch Mickey Mouse Clubhouse and every time Goofy says “Gorsh!” take a swig. I give it five minutes before you black out.
←Rate | 05-24-2021 08:11 Comments (0)  


   messageicon ‘They always talk to me like I’m an idiot.’ ~dogs in therapy
←Rate | 05-24-2021 08:10 Comments (0)  


   messageicon My dog just looked at me and sighed. He has to stop hanging out with my wife.
←Rate | 05-24-2021 08:09 Comments (0)  


   messageicon It’s very funny to me that in The Wizard of Oz Glinda is like “only bad witches are ugly” five seconds after asking Dorothy if she’s a good witch or a bad witch.
←Rate | 05-24-2021 08:06 Comments (0)  


   messageicon I still giggle when I get in an Elevator and someone asks me “Going Down? ” as I am so tempted to say to them “Buy me dinner first”.
←Rate | 05-24-2021 08:06 Comments (0)  




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