Kisstopher707 Funny Status Messages



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   messageicon Brain: Let’s dance. Legs: We don’t do that. Tequila: Just give it a minute.
←Rate | 01-27-2014 08:14 by Kisstopher707 Comments (0)  


   messageicon If you have accepted Nicki Minaj’s music as hip hop then you can’t *itch about Macklemore winning the best rap album award at the Grammys. You can't lower the bar for one person and deny another.
←Rate | 01-27-2014 05:33 by Kisstopher707 Comments (0)  


   messageicon Some couples experience a deep, unconditional love that transcends words and exists as happiness in its purest form. I have that with vodka.
←Rate | 01-25-2014 02:52 by Kisstopher707 Comments (0)  


   messageicon Every date is the first date if you get black out drunk every time.
←Rate | 01-23-2014 14:29 by Kisstopher707 Comments (0)  


   messageicon Look me in the lazy eye and tell me you love me. Other eye.
←Rate | 01-23-2014 12:01 by Kisstopher707 Comments (0)  


   messageicon Your tongue is the best alarm clock.
←Rate | 01-19-2014 10:28 by Kisstopher707 Comments (0)  


   messageicon Animals that walk on two legs like humans should wear underwear.
←Rate | 01-17-2014 15:44 by Kisstopher707 Comments (0)  


   messageicon I think some of these suicidal people are just attention whores. If you really want to jump off a building or bridge you should do it around midnight when there is no one to try and stop you.
←Rate | 01-16-2014 11:07 by Kisstopher707 Comments (0)  


   messageicon I really like what you've done with your crazy.
←Rate | 01-11-2014 11:14 by Kisstopher707 Comments (0)  


   messageicon Sometimes a status I have worked so hard on goes unnoticed and unliked. So I get it women who spent two hours getting ready and your boyfriend doesn’t even notice.
←Rate | 01-11-2014 01:10 by Kisstopher707 Comments (0)  


   messageicon Pro tip: when you wake up, reach for your GF's boobs before reaching for your phone to check your Facebook. Women love that.
←Rate | 01-11-2014 00:55 by Kisstopher707 Comments (0)  


   messageicon Scales at the doctors office should come with a hug.
←Rate | 01-11-2014 00:52 by Kisstopher707 Comments (0)  


   messageicon Keep reaching for the stars but please get a better deodorant.
←Rate | 01-09-2014 11:39 by Kisstopher707 Comments (0)  


   messageicon The more complicated the coffee order the more complicated the person.
←Rate | 01-08-2014 13:55 by Kisstopher707 Comments (0)  


   messageicon I give great marriage advice if you want to be divorced.
←Rate | 01-08-2014 07:43 by Kisstopher707 Comments (0)  


   messageicon How can I lose weight if the best part of my day is based on food?
←Rate | 01-07-2014 12:53 by Kisstopher707 Comments (0)  


   messageicon Whenever I see a happy couple, smiling, giggling, feeding each other food, whispering sweet nothings, very much in love, I just wish I could give them a lie-detector test.
←Rate | 01-06-2014 12:52 by Kisstopher707 Comments (0)  


   messageicon Yesterday I met my ex-girlfriend’s son and told him about how I once auditioned to be his father.
←Rate | 01-06-2014 12:41 by Kisstopher707 Comments (0)  


   messageicon I couldn't handle life if I wasn't weird.
←Rate | 01-05-2014 14:34 by Kisstopher707 Comments (0)  


   messageicon Some of these girls look like they masturbate to their own selfies.
←Rate | 01-04-2014 12:56 by Kisstopher707 Comments (0)  




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