Huck Funny Status Messages

   When asked "What's Up" respond "A delightful animated film about a young boy and an old man who fly away to an exotic place in a balloon house."

   Cat burglars commit daring robberies with stealthy skills, while kitten burglars are so cute people just give them stuff.

   People are so excited about the 100m Olympic times, but Jason Voorhees could beat all those clowns just walking.

   There are now 4 sides to every story. Yours, mine, the truth & the Internets version.

   I have an air mattress. It's great because if someone tries to suffocate me in bed I can just poke a hole in it and use it to stay alive.

   There are three stages of a man's life: He believes in Santa Claus, he doesn't believe in Santa Claus, he is Santa Claus.

   Stevie Wonder just filed for divorce. He wanted to not see other people.

   Those first two guys who thought Superman was a bird or a plane... ? What were they so excited about?

   We become what we most hate. So I'll apologize now for eventually playing for the Cowboys

   Reportedly, there are many trucking jobs that no one wants. Attn trucking Industry: make trucking more like the battle at the end of Mad Max II.

   Let's be honest. She does NOT got Betty Davis eyes. She's on drugs.

   Beauty and the Beast is my favorite story that teaches kids that if you're ugly, hold a girl against her will & she'll eventually love you.

   I love how the internet has improved people's grammar far more then any English teacher has. If you write "your" instead of "you're" in a English class all you get is a red mark.... Mess up on the Internet just once, and may God have mercy on your soul.

   I may be dumb, but at least I'm not …wait, what was I talking about?

   Sorry, I brought neither the noise or the funk today.

   Hey, Journey? Quick question: What if I never even started believin'?

   Restaurant hosts: Stop asking, we all want a booth.

   I'm 38 and I have no clue what AM or PM stands for. Nice job, public school system!

   Silly prank: Transmit clips of backward devil talk to your neighbors' baby monitor at random times throughout the night.

   I spend 90% of my time at the gym choosing the right song for my workout.