hihuggiehi Funny Status Messages



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   messageicon The back of every furniture assembly manual should have a coupon for couples counseling.
←Rate | 04-25-2013 05:21 by hihuggiehi Comments (0)  


   messageicon I'm learning how to let things go, one throat at a time.
←Rate | 04-25-2013 05:21 by hihuggiehi Comments (0)  


   messageicon If HR made employees settle their disputes with public dance-offs, everyone would try a lot harder to get along.
←Rate | 04-25-2013 05:21 by hihuggiehi Comments (0)  


   messageicon If the breakfast club took place now, all those kids would just silently texting about their crappy Saturday and never make friends with each other
←Rate | 04-25-2013 05:22 by hihuggiehi Comments (0)  


   messageicon Meeting a blind date at Starbucks. She said shell be wearing Uggs, a NorthFace Jacket, and yoga pants. I got her narrowed down to 47 girls.
←Rate | 04-25-2013 05:23 by hihuggiehi Comments (0)  


   messageicon My boss wants me to keep my headphones volume low enough to hear my work phone ring AND stay awake at my desk like some kind of wizard.
←Rate | 04-25-2013 05:23 by hihuggiehi Comments (0)  


   messageicon Everybody knows that door handles spread disease but when I started a business to clean them and called it Knob Jobs all I got were creepy phone calls
←Rate | 06-06-2013 14:01 by hihuggiehi Comments (0)  


   messageicon I will never understand why my fridge has a drawing of a carrot on the beer drawer.
←Rate | 06-06-2013 14:03 by hihuggiehi Comments (0)  


   messageicon Putting $10,000 worth of speakers into a $5000 car is a sure way of never climbing out of your social class
←Rate | 06-06-2013 14:04 by hihuggiehi Comments (0)  


   messageicon A girl just asked what I would call a girl who would do just about anything sexually on the first date. I told her I would call her a...mediately!!!
←Rate | 06-06-2013 14:05 by hihuggiehi Comments (0)  


   messageicon When asked which method of payment will be used, I always put "in collections".. that way they can just skip the middle man.
←Rate | 06-06-2013 14:07 by hihuggiehi Comments (0)  


   messageicon If I ever get pulled over again, I am gonna sing the "Like a good neighbor State Farm is there" song and wave both hands at the police officer like I am doing a magic trick.
←Rate | 06-06-2013 14:08 by hihuggiehi Comments (0)  


   messageicon Judging by how much I like to crawl back under the covers in the morning I think I'd make a pretty awesome turtle.
←Rate | 06-06-2013 14:10 by hihuggiehi Comments (0)  


   messageicon Fish don't seem that stupid to me. If a burrito dropped out of the sky and hung in mid-air I would probably eat it.
←Rate | 06-16-2013 13:58 by hihuggiehi Comments (0)  


   messageicon No Hulu, no ads are relevant to me, because I lack the funds to have any purchasing power whatsoever.
←Rate | 06-16-2013 13:59 by hihuggiehi Comments (0)  


   messageicon I think 90% of the software on my computer doesn't do anything except send me notices that there's a new version of itself.
←Rate | 06-16-2013 14:00 by hihuggiehi Comments (0)  


   messageicon The 5-second rule should also apply to anything a guy says to a woman. If she looks like she is getting angry, we have 5-seconds to take it back.
←Rate | 06-16-2013 14:01 by hihuggiehi Comments (0)  


   messageicon An apple a day is bullcrap. Apples are dangerous. Just look at Eve, Snow White, Blackberry or any pig at a luau.
←Rate | 06-16-2013 21:55 by hihuggiehi Comments (0)  


   messageicon Ralph Macchio is 50. Pat Morita was 52 when the Karate Kid opened,,,,fact check next time!
←Rate | 10-29-2013 12:35 by hihuggiehi Comments (2)  



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