andrew jackson Funny Status Messages



Sort:  Recent   |   Oldest   |   Rating
Filter On | Filter Off | No Trump


Search Messages:
[Clear]

Search results for status messages containing 'andrew jackson': View All Messages
Page: 21 of 24

   messageicon Hi, you've reached my voicemail. Please leave a message that I'll ignore until you text me like a normal person. Thanks
←Rate | 04-23-2015 11:12 by andrew jackson Comments (0)  


   messageicon I can cook, clean, do my own laundry and grogery shop. I think I only need a woman for one thing, to let me know when I am wrong.
←Rate | 04-26-2015 08:43 by andrew jackson Comments (0)  


   messageicon Calling it Jerk Chicken is rude. Maybe it had a rough childhood, you don't know.
←Rate | 04-28-2015 13:49 by andrew jackson Comments (0)  


   messageicon Fun game for parents: Scream in horror the first time your child loses a tooth.
←Rate | 04-28-2015 13:56 by andrew jackson Comments (0)  


   messageicon When people ask where I live I always say by the sword.
←Rate | 04-29-2015 12:08 by andrew jackson Comments (2)  


   messageicon I'd like to give that Baltimore mom 10 min alone with Congress and a wooden spoon.
←Rate | 04-29-2015 12:18 by andrew jackson Comments (0)  


   messageicon Upon learning how old I am, a 5 year old named "Braxten" told me I was "really old," so I whispered in his ear, "at least I have a real name"
←Rate | 04-29-2015 12:22 by andrew jackson Comments (0)  


   messageicon Has anyone checked whether cows really have 4 stomachs? Because it kinda sounds like a lie a cow made up once to get more food
←Rate | 04-29-2015 12:30 by andrew jackson Comments (0)  


   messageicon And that concludes the end of the presentation. Any questions? "Um yes. Hi. Since I stayed awake the whole time can I have a raise?"
←Rate | 04-30-2015 12:14 by andrew jackson Comments (0)  


   messageicon Me, to wife: "I don't need a shopping list, I can remember." * Returns from grocery store with portrait of Abe Vigoda and a yak. *
←Rate | 05-02-2015 21:23 by andrew jackson Comments (0)  


   messageicon The Earth revolves around the Sun at a speed of 18.5 miles/sec and spins on its axis at 1,040 mph. So yeah, I got some exercise today.
←Rate | 05-02-2015 21:24 by andrew jackson Comments (0)  


   messageicon I bet I can hold my breath longer than you. In fact, I bet you can't hold my breath at all.
←Rate | 05-02-2015 21:27 by andrew jackson Comments (0)  


   messageicon A handful of almonds is a sensible snack to throw in someone's face & demand where the real snacks are
←Rate | 05-09-2015 16:05 by andrew jackson Comments (0)  


   messageicon I got a job as a store greeter. But apparently "You again?" wasn't the greeting they had in mind.
←Rate | 05-09-2015 16:26 by andrew jackson Comments (0)  


   messageicon My weekend mood fluctuates between “better get the lawn mowed before it rains” and “Hurry up and rain so I can’t mow the lawn.”
←Rate | 05-16-2015 16:11 by andrew jackson Comments (0)  


   messageicon Doctors only gave me three more months to live la vida loca
←Rate | 05-16-2015 16:14 by andrew jackson Comments (0)  


   messageicon If I was in Mad Max I would be the guy who can't figure out how to turn the windshield wipers off.
←Rate | 05-17-2015 13:31 by andrew jackson Comments (0)  


   messageicon how long does it take possums to realize when one of them are actually dead?
←Rate | 05-21-2015 05:56 by andrew jackson Comments (0)  


   messageicon Billion dollar idea. A smoke detector that shuts off when you yell "I'm just cooking!"
←Rate | 05-22-2015 05:12 by andrew jackson Comments (2)  


   messageicon Dance like no one is watching. Because they're not. They're all checking their phones.
←Rate | 05-23-2015 09:44 by andrew jackson Comments (0)  



[Search Results] [View All Messages]
Submit your own funny facebook status message here:
Name:
Status Message:

... characters left