andrew jackson Funny Status Messages



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   messageicon My high-school was a magnet school. All the girls were repelled by me.
←Rate | 12-16-2013 17:45 by andrew jackson Comments (0)  


   messageicon They say women dress for women and undress for men, whereas I dress for my pets and undress for joggers.
←Rate | 12-15-2013 14:33 by andrew jackson Comments (0)  


   messageicon I've said it before and I'll say it again: it before
←Rate | 12-13-2013 05:18 by andrew jackson Comments (0)  


   messageicon I wish computer companies would design a keyboard with a removable crumb tray, kinda like my toaster
←Rate | 12-11-2013 21:56 by andrew jackson Comments (0)  


   messageicon Dressed my snowman up as a security guard, and then I put him out in front of a snow bank.
←Rate | 12-10-2013 11:09 by andrew jackson Comments (0)  


   messageicon I like to reward myself for getting up on time by laying in bed for another 20 minutes.
←Rate | 12-10-2013 05:44 by andrew jackson Comments (0)  


   messageicon Imagine the first guy who built one of those big water fountains telling everyone: "I hear if you throw money in this, you can make a wish!"
←Rate | 12-09-2013 22:22 by andrew jackson Comments (0)  


   messageicon When I die, keep it simple. Just launch me into space while Elton John plays "Rocket Man" on a glass piano and Maya Angelou reads my statuses
←Rate | 12-09-2013 01:38 by andrew jackson Comments (0)  


   messageicon I was so angry at my parents when I found out Santa wasn't real, I stormed out of the house, got in my car and just drove and drove.
←Rate | 12-04-2013 05:41 by andrew jackson Comments (0)  


   messageicon Going to one of those places where you chop down your own Christmas tree, and then try to get away before they catch you.
←Rate | 12-02-2013 07:48 by andrew jackson Comments (0)  


   messageicon "If you've been hurt in a car wreck you need someone who will fight to get you the money you deserve. I will pee on your bed." - cat lawyer
←Rate | 11-28-2013 02:11 by andrew jackson Comments (0)  


   messageicon I just called. To say. I texted you.
←Rate | 11-28-2013 02:01 by andrew jackson Comments (0)  


   messageicon Just saw a store that already has Easter decorations out
←Rate | 11-28-2013 01:51 by andrew jackson Comments (0)  


   messageicon BREAKING: PETA releases shock video of tiger, caught by toe, being detained despite hollering.
←Rate | 11-28-2013 01:50 by andrew jackson Comments (0)  


   messageicon Attention people that only post inspirational quotes: we know you're nuts.
←Rate | 11-25-2013 05:16 by andrew jackson Comments (0)  


   messageicon I'm old enough to remember when the lamest thing in the world was to take pictures of yourself, like you had no friends
←Rate | 11-20-2013 05:27 by andrew jackson Comments (0)  


   messageicon The first rule of Thesaurus Club is you don't talk about, mention, speak of, discuss or chat about Thesaurus Club.
←Rate | 11-19-2013 05:34 by andrew jackson Comments (0)  


   messageicon The guy who decided how to spell bologna was clearly in over his head.
←Rate | 11-19-2013 05:32 by andrew jackson Comments (0)  


   messageicon Mike Tyson claims he was high during fights. Strange he seemed so normal and in control of himself.
←Rate | 11-15-2013 18:47 by andrew jackson Comments (0)  


   messageicon French toast is just regular toast that smokes cigarettes and has a tiny mustache.
←Rate | 11-14-2013 05:37 by andrew jackson Comments (0)  



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