Kisstopher707 Funny Status Messages



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   messageicon Don't threaten to leave people, surprise them by actually leaving.
←Rate | 02-23-2014 06:50 by Kisstopher707 Comments (0)  


   messageicon I am so sorry I got tears of joy all over your vagina. It has been a while since I got laid.
←Rate | 02-21-2014 08:56 by Kisstopher707 Comments (0)  


   messageicon Mark Zuckerburg owns Instagram, Facebook and Whatsapp. All he needs now is Twitter then he owns all of our little secrets.
←Rate | 02-20-2014 04:20 by Kisstopher707 Comments (0)  


   messageicon You're over the age of 12. Maybe use the word "YOLO" a little less. Or, better yet..not at all.
←Rate | 02-18-2014 13:20 by Kisstopher707 Comments (0)  


   messageicon Some people solely exist to test your patience and self-control.
←Rate | 02-15-2014 06:05 by Kisstopher707 Comments (0)  


   messageicon Love isn't going to knock on your door, unless you fall in love with a Jehovah's Witness.
←Rate | 02-13-2014 12:17 by Kisstopher707 Comments (0)  


   messageicon I'm okay with dying alone as long as I can have pizza and vodka along the way.
←Rate | 02-12-2014 13:17 by Kisstopher707 Comments (0)  


   messageicon I'm giving my ex-wife roses for Valentine's day to remind her that she's still a thorn in my side
←Rate | 02-12-2014 13:11 by Kisstopher707 Comments (0)  


   messageicon Coffee is that one friend who believes in you and always wants you to succeed.
←Rate | 02-12-2014 12:08 by Kisstopher707 Comments (0)  


   messageicon I enjoy long romantic walks to my liquor cabinet.
←Rate | 02-10-2014 11:56 by Kisstopher707 Comments (0)  


   messageicon In Kanyes defense, you would be an a$$hole too if you had to hang out with Kanye all the time.
←Rate | 02-10-2014 01:43 by Kisstopher707 Comments (0)  


   messageicon Women have no issue with their man having a female friend *as long as she's elderly, obese or severely disabled
←Rate | 02-10-2014 01:40 by Kisstopher707 Comments (0)  


   messageicon A taser, but for people who say, "everything happens for a reason."
←Rate | 02-07-2014 00:06 by Kisstopher707 Comments (0)  


   messageicon Women who say the quickest way to a mans heart is through his stomach hasn't seen his browser history.
←Rate | 02-04-2014 13:08 by Kisstopher707 Comments (0)  


   messageicon I hate when the whole Internet mourns someone’s death & I have to Google them to find out if they were a politician, an athlete or a Muppet.
←Rate | 02-04-2014 12:35 by Kisstopher707 Comments (0)  


   messageicon Who put the oral in immoral?
←Rate | 02-03-2014 12:04 by Kisstopher707 Comments (0)  


   messageicon Oh the irony of these ugly and fat mother’s insisting and demanding that their sons only marry a woman who is beautiful and slender.
←Rate | 02-02-2014 07:48 by Kisstopher707 Comments (0)  


   messageicon A Facebook s tatus update so confusing you turn your radio down to read it.
←Rate | 01-31-2014 08:26 by Kisstopher707 Comments (0)  


   messageicon You're right, vodka. This IS the perfect time to use a hammer.
←Rate | 01-28-2014 12:49 by Kisstopher707 Comments (0)  


   messageicon I remember "The Simpsons" episode when Homer won a Grammy, then threw it into a dumpster. A bum picked it up, and even he didn't want it.
←Rate | 01-27-2014 23:38 by Kisstopher707 Comments (0)  




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