andrew jackson Funny Status Messages



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   messageicon Me: I'm going to sleep Brain: No Me: Fine, I'll stay up Body: No
←Rate | 03-19-2015 13:46 by andrew jackson Comments (0)  


   messageicon 5:spiders 4:snakes 3:serial killers 2:child molesters 1:couples that sit on the same side of the booth
←Rate | 03-19-2015 13:47 by andrew jackson Comments (1)  


   messageicon If being successful was an amusement park, I'd be the kid that drove his bumper car in the corner and can't get out.
←Rate | 03-19-2015 14:00 by andrew jackson Comments (0)  


   messageicon if you love something let it go, if you don't love something definitely let it go. basically, just drop everything, who cares
←Rate | 03-28-2015 05:45 by andrew jackson Comments (0)  


   messageicon My dog was sleeping so I put his paw in warm water. He peed all over the floor. I laughed but he's not embarrassed and I have to clean it up
←Rate | 03-30-2015 05:42 by andrew jackson Comments (0)  


   messageicon Here's to ignoring our real problems and getting outraged about something on the internet.
←Rate | 04-02-2015 05:25 by andrew jackson Comments (0)  


   messageicon Fell down the stairs today. Counting it as a workout
←Rate | 04-02-2015 05:48 by andrew jackson Comments (0)  


   messageicon I had an epiphany, but I forgot it while I was trying to spell epiphany.
←Rate | 04-02-2015 05:49 by andrew jackson Comments (0)  


   messageicon FACT: If you want to keep a secret from me, put it inside a Facebook event invitation.
←Rate | 04-08-2015 05:30 by andrew jackson Comments (0)  


   messageicon Hi, welcome to adulthood! You’ll be constantly tired except for right before you need to go to sleep
←Rate | 04-08-2015 05:30 by andrew jackson Comments (0)  


   messageicon Just overheard someone say they need an "escape goat" for their project & I can't decide if they're a complete idiot or an evil genius.
←Rate | 04-08-2015 05:41 by andrew jackson Comments (0)  


   messageicon Every superhero has a secret identity except Aquaman because no one cares he's Aquaman
←Rate | 04-08-2015 05:46 by andrew jackson Comments (0)  


   messageicon I love my kid but I'm still going to eat his fries when he goes to the bathroom then lie to his face about it.
←Rate | 04-11-2015 22:07 by andrew jackson Comments (0)  


   messageicon You think you love your family but suddenly there's three of you and one remaining slice of pizza.
←Rate | 04-11-2015 22:11 by andrew jackson Comments (0)  


   messageicon Throw caution to the wind. Throw indecision to a tornado. Throw anxiety to a cyclone. Basically, If it's windy make real bad decisions.
←Rate | 04-12-2015 14:52 by andrew jackson Comments (0)  


   messageicon Just realized who in the heck did I get a more better grade in Spanish class then I did in English?. Doesn't make cents.
←Rate | 04-13-2015 05:53 by andrew jackson Comments (0)  


   messageicon Paper shouldn't beat rock -- maybe smooth jazz fusion or contemporary country, but that's it.
←Rate | 04-13-2015 12:57 by andrew jackson Comments (0)  


   messageicon Getting out of bed in the morning always gave me a headache until I tried it feet first.
←Rate | 04-17-2015 13:27 by andrew jackson Comments (0)  


   messageicon Some guy just asked me for the time like it's freakin 1993. "Hold tight good fellow, allow me to fetch my timepiece from my pantaloons."
←Rate | 04-17-2015 13:28 by andrew jackson Comments (0)  


   messageicon Just found out the Dukes of Hazzard weren't really royalty it was just the last name they lied! Hollywood is a liar!
←Rate | 04-18-2015 08:25 by andrew jackson Comments (0)  



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