Funny Status Messages and Tweets

Funny status message updates for FaceBook or Whatsapp and funny tweets for Twitter.

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   messageicon Why do speed walkers look like kids who are told not to run around the pool?
←Rate | 06-03-2018 14:11 by Jsabbage Comments (0)  


   messageicon Success is like being pregnant. Everybody congratulates you, But nobody knows how many times you were ****** before you got there.
←Rate | 06-19-2018 13:21 by @iamsirajarifeen Comments (0)  


   messageicon When you're a kid, it makes you feel proud when someone says "Wow! You've gotten so big since the last time I saw you!" As an adult, not so much.
←Rate | 06-04-2018 08:07 Comments (0)  


   messageicon Some people choose to be victims in life because it's a lot easier than being a winner.
←Rate | 06-06-2018 15:33 by pj Comments (0)  


   messageicon I hope the next big trend in music is Talent.
←Rate | 04-29-2018 05:37 Comments (1)  


   messageicon "We are not even close." -Romans building Rome, end of first day.
←Rate | 05-04-2018 09:01 Comments (1)  


   messageicon Every time the doorbell rings my dog will go and sit in a corner........ He' a boxer.
←Rate | 05-09-2018 05:37 by Jake Comments (0)  


   messageicon The only difference between a weekday and a weekend is which boss is telling me to do things.
←Rate | 05-11-2018 22:31 by @thecatwhisperer Comments (0)  


   messageicon Happy hour leads to several hours of lying on the floor talking to my dog.
←Rate | 05-12-2018 12:50 Comments (0)  


   messageicon ME: “We have a problem, the liquor store is closed.” HER: “That's ok, I don’t drink.” ME: “Ok we have two problems.”
←Rate | 05-14-2018 14:47 Comments (0)  


   messageicon Dogs love you even if you’re ugly.
←Rate | 05-15-2018 03:09 Comments (3)  


   messageicon "If you tell the truth, you don't have to remember anything. " Mark Twain.
←Rate | 05-19-2018 23:37 by Mark.Twain Comments (0)  


   messageicon There’s actually a thing called “Play Dates “ in 2018. In 1984 we called that “Going outside to play”
←Rate | 06-12-2018 23:02 by Cicci Comments (0)  


   messageicon Dear Dos Equis guy: Seriously. What guy DOESN'T think he's the most interesting man in the world after he's had a few beers?
←Rate | 06-18-2018 11:11 Comments (0)  


   messageicon remember the time you confused a life lesson for a soulmate?
←Rate | 03-30-2018 14:53 Comments (0)  


   messageicon There should be reality show where 16 congressmen are forced to take jobs in the private sector.
←Rate | 12-20-2017 08:59 Comments (1)  


   messageicon At first it was "Okay" and then "ok" and now "k" and soon it will disappear and you`ll all regret it
←Rate | 04-10-2018 05:43 Comments (0)  


   messageicon How long does it take possums to realize when one of them is actually dead?
←Rate | 05-22-2018 10:45 Comments (0)  


   messageicon The Stanley Cup finals will feature a team that represents a morally bankrupt city, that is built on corruption, greed and deceit, against the Las Vegas Golden Knights.
←Rate | 05-27-2018 17:55 Comments (0)  


   messageicon I love dieting I'm actually on 4 diets: Chinese, American, Italian and Mexican.
←Rate | 07-10-2017 17:03 by Aerotim Comments (0)  


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