andrew jackson Funny Status Messages



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   messageicon FACT: If you want to keep a secret from me, put it inside a Facebook event invitation.
←Rate | 04-08-2015 05:30 by andrew jackson Comments (0)  


   messageicon I was thinking "how are they going to make a movie with Grumpy Cat, she only has one emotion" but I guess if Kristen Stewart can do it...
←Rate | 05-31-2013 06:18 by andrew jackson Comments (0)  


   messageicon It’s amazing how the lowly potato gives us potato chips, french fries, and vodka. Get it together, every other vegetable
←Rate | 12-09-2014 05:48 by andrew jackson Comments (2)  


   messageicon Remember when people had diaries & got mad when someone read them? Now they put everything online and get mad when people don't.
←Rate | 02-02-2015 05:43 by andrew jackson Comments (0)  


   messageicon I wish I could have the Price Is Right audience around whenever I’m making important life decisions.
←Rate | 08-06-2014 04:34 by andrew jackson Comments (0)  


   messageicon Dating these days must be so hard, because how do you know somebody loves you if they don’t make you a mix tape?
←Rate | 09-04-2013 11:18 by andrew jackson Comments (0)  


   messageicon Sometimes I walk up to a plant and exhale carbon dioxide all over it. Did I save its life? Maybe. Am I a hero? That's for history to decide.
←Rate | 05-14-2014 05:39 by andrew jackson Comments (0)  


   messageicon We need to start naming hurricanes after rappers. People might evacuate quicker if they know hurricane Ghostface Killah is coming.
←Rate | 01-08-2014 12:56 by andrew jackson Comments (0)  


   messageicon There’s no excuse for laziness.. but if you find one, let me know.
←Rate | 08-04-2014 05:07 by andrew jackson Comments (0)  


   messageicon My coworkers will stand around confused during a fire drill but the office turns into the Hunger Games when there's lunch brought in for everyone
←Rate | 01-07-2015 05:42 by andrew jackson Comments (0)  


   messageicon Most of being an adult is marveling at the date and saying how fast the year is going by.
←Rate | 01-26-2015 07:37 by andrew jackson Comments (0)  


   messageicon Call me crazy, but I really prefer the term mentally ill
←Rate | 12-31-2013 06:53 by andrew jackson Comments (0)  


   messageicon I've finally decided to do something about my weight. Lie.
←Rate | 03-04-2015 09:55 by andrew jackson Comments (0)  


   messageicon Fun game for parents: Scream in horror the first time your child loses a tooth.
←Rate | 04-28-2015 13:56 by andrew jackson Comments (0)  


   messageicon I got a job as a store greeter. But apparently "You again?" wasn't the greeting they had in mind.
←Rate | 05-09-2015 16:26 by andrew jackson Comments (0)  


   messageicon Why do people who insult themselves get mad when you agree with them?
←Rate | 04-23-2014 05:29 by andrew jackson Comments (0)  


   messageicon FYI: THIS IS THE FURTHEST IN HISTORY ANYONE'S EVER GONE!!!
←Rate | 01-01-2014 07:35 by andrew jackson Comments (0)  


   messageicon If you need some help at Home Depot and are being ignored, get on one of their step ladders.
←Rate | 09-26-2013 05:34 by andrew jackson Comments (1)  


   messageicon People with the loudest car audio systems usually have the worst taste in music.
←Rate | 01-12-2015 05:44 by andrew jackson Comments (0)  


   messageicon Ten seconds of drug commercials are spent telling you what the drug is for and the rest is spent basically daring you to take it.
←Rate | 03-02-2015 06:03 by andrew jackson Comments (0)  



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