Funny Status Messages Search

X I'm not sayin you are stupid, I just said that you have bad luck when you're thinking.

<--Rate | Submitted: 06-05-2011 17:38 by Marshall the Great Comments (0)

X Facebook: a place where people announce their problems to the world but not to the person they have a problem with.

<--Rate | Submitted: 06-27-2011 15:54 by Marshall the Great Comments (0)

X It's just a matter of time before they add the word "Syndrome" after my last name.

<--Rate | Submitted: 10-11-2012 09:10 by Marshall the Great Comments (0)

X I just watched my dog chase his tail for 10 minutes and thought, "Wow, dogs are easily entertained." Then I realized I just watched my dog chase his tail for 10 minutes...

<--Rate | Submitted: 04-20-2011 17:12 by Marshall the Great Comments (1)

X To this day, the boy that used to bully me at school still takes my lunch money. On the plus side, he makes great subway sandwiches.

<--Rate | Submitted: 12-17-2012 23:02 by Marshall the Great Comments (0)

X I'm not sick, I'm twisted. Sick makes it sound like there's a cure...

<--Rate | Submitted: 01-07-2013 14:24 by Marshall the Great Comments (0)

X Relying on the government to protect your privacy is like asking a peeping tom to install your window blinds.

<--Rate | Submitted: 10-09-2012 15:46 by Marshall the Great Comments (0)

X My friend came over and left his laptop on the floor. My mother thought it was a scale. Conclusion: My mother weighs 950 dollars.

<--Rate | Submitted: 03-26-2012 13:15 by Marshall the Great Comments (2)

X Whenever I get a friend request Facebook should allow me free access to their wall and pics regardless of privacy settings so I can see who I'm dealing with. Some of you are so creepy your profile pic might as well be a white panel van.

<--Rate | Submitted: 05-23-2012 15:50 by Marshall the Great Comments (0)

X If you have to "take a break" then you two are NOT together. Timeouts are for sports, not relationships.

<--Rate | Submitted: 06-09-2013 00:01 by Marshall the Great Comments (3)

X So the new Titanic 3D is out.......... Maybe they'll see the f*cking iceberg this time.

<--Rate | Submitted: 03-28-2012 14:40 by Marshall the Great Comments (2)

X I hate when I'm tired and sleepy, but when I go to bed my body says "just kidding."

<--Rate | Submitted: 05-30-2011 01:14 by Marshall the Great Comments (0)

X Someone at work has been stealing my lunch from the refrigerator....... Tomorrow, I'm bringing a cat food sandwich... BON APPETIT MOTHER F*CKER!!!

<--Rate | Submitted: 03-27-2012 14:10 by Marshall the Great Comments (0)

X "Mommy! There's a monster under my bed!" "That's silly. There's no mOH GOD! IT'S TEARING MY ARM! Kidding. He only eats kids. Goodnight."

<--Rate | Submitted: 01-18-2012 06:13 by Marshall the Great Comments (2)

X I hate when I'm set on running a yellow light and the person in front of me chickens out.

<--Rate | Submitted: 08-11-2012 23:40 by Marshall the Great Comments (0)

X The hardest things about beginning any new relationship has got to be learning how to fart quietly again.

<--Rate | Submitted: 03-07-2011 20:22 by Marshall the Great Comments (0)

X A movie ticket for a baby should cost at least $50.

<--Rate | Submitted: 08-19-2012 23:50 by Marshall the Great Comments (2)

X You know it's time to break-up when the little things start to piss you off: "Damn girl, do you HAVE to close your eyes every time you blink? F*ck this sh!t, I'M OUT!"

<--Rate | Submitted: 08-30-2011 13:52 by Marshall the Great Comments (0)

X I can say whatever the hell I want as my Facebook Status, and nobody will be offended as long as I smile at the end. Example: I hate everybody today. :)

<--Rate | Submitted: 06-17-2011 10:27 by Marshall the Great Comments (0)

X My girlfriend came out of the shower and said "I shaved down there, you know what that means?" I said, "Yeah the drain is clogged again."

<--Rate | Submitted: 02-09-2013 12:48 by Marshall the Great Comments (0)