unknown comic Funny Status Messages



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   messageicon I'm starting to think Trump vs Hillary is because someone went back in time and stepped on a butterfly, and know where living in a future that was never meant to be
←Rate | 10-03-2016 05:57 by unknown comic Comments (2)  


   messageicon Problems that have NOT been solved? Please join my class action suit against Vanilla Ice, who promised to solve them.
←Rate | 09-08-2016 06:01 by unknown comic Comments (0)  


   messageicon Imagine my embarrassment at getting caught in the rain without a piña colada.
←Rate | 07-24-2016 07:36 by unknown comic Comments (0)  


   messageicon I don't understand why they called it "WebMD" when they could have called it "Sickipedia."
←Rate | 07-24-2016 07:34 by unknown comic Comments (0)  


   messageicon "Do not touch" must be one of the scariest things to read in braille
←Rate | 07-23-2016 21:40 by unknown comic Comments (0)  


   messageicon I think Eminem should become a dentist just so he can say "snap back to reality, oh there's a cavity."
←Rate | 07-21-2016 06:55 by unknown comic Comments (0)  


   messageicon If I was a ghost, I'd write "Happy Birthday" in blood on your wall for your birthday, cuz you may be cursed, but it's still your birthday.
←Rate | 07-20-2016 19:40 by unknown comic Comments (0)  


   messageicon obviously I'm against a baby fight club on a moral basis but in terms of humor... it's pure gold
←Rate | 07-10-2016 06:41 by unknown comic Comments (0)  


   messageicon if you hitchhike make sure to use your thumb correctly or people might think you're just congratulating them on their excellent driving
←Rate | 07-10-2016 06:33 by unknown comic Comments (0)  


   messageicon The way a dog that doesn't play fetch looks at a thrown ball—that's how I feel about everything.
←Rate | 07-10-2016 06:20 by unknown comic Comments (0)  


   messageicon Woke up this morning with a song in my heart. Sadly, that song was "I want a Hippopotamus for Christmas".
←Rate | 07-09-2016 21:59 by unknown comic Comments (0)  


   messageicon Being sick & running out of tissues makes me think about all those times I was all willy-nilly with my tissues like some millionaire.
←Rate | 07-09-2016 21:55 by unknown comic Comments (0)  


   messageicon I'm judge, jury, executioner, bailiff, public defender, prosecutor, and court stenographer. These budget cutbacks are brutal
←Rate | 06-18-2016 22:11 by unknown comic Comments (0)  


   messageicon FACT: I've been rescheduling the same dentist appointment since 2009
←Rate | 05-20-2016 18:49 by unknown comic Comments (0)  


   messageicon I wanna get rich enough to say to someone "nonsense, you can stay in our guest house"
←Rate | 04-23-2016 07:43 by unknown comic Comments (0)  


   messageicon if you're a tailor and your shop's name isn't "Britches get stitches" then what's the point?
←Rate | 04-21-2016 05:41 by unknown comic Comments (0)  


   messageicon Please enjoy my TED Talk, "Turn Signals: They're How You Tell Other Drivers What the Heck You're Doing"
←Rate | 03-21-2016 11:58 by unknown comic Comments (0)  


   messageicon Felt my phone vibrate in my back pocket. Looked over and saw my phone on the table. Afraid to check my back pocket.
←Rate | 03-21-2016 11:45 by unknown comic Comments (0)  


   messageicon Anyone know how long we are supposed to "Shake It Off"? Taylor never specified and frankly I'm exhausted!
←Rate | 03-20-2016 20:44 by unknown comic Comments (0)  


   messageicon FACT: A baby is basically just a meatloaf that can look around a bit
←Rate | 03-20-2016 20:37 by unknown comic Comments (0)  



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