minnie haha Funny Status Messages



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   messageicon I would have gotten a lot more back on my taxes if I could claim co-dependents.
←Rate | 04-14-2013 12:19 by minnie haha Comments (0)  


   messageicon It's a thankless job, but apparently I've got a lot of Karma to burn off.
←Rate | 04-09-2013 12:48 by minnie haha Comments (0)  


   messageicon April showers bring May flowers. And May flowers bring...pilgrims!!!
←Rate | 04-09-2013 12:14 by minnie haha Comments (1)  


   messageicon I have been thoroughly researching the native Potatoes of Couch and have become part of their tribe.
←Rate | 04-08-2013 21:51 by minnie haha Comments (0)  


   messageicon Because the brilliant automakers in Detroit decided to put the dimmer switch on the turn signal and call it a “smart stick”....and THAT’S how I managed to get my foot stuck in the steering wheel..and I am sticking with that story until photographs s
←Rate | 04-06-2013 20:02 by minnie haha Comments (0)  


   messageicon The man who invented Velcro has died. RIP.
←Rate | 04-04-2013 12:23 by minnie haha Comments (2)  


   messageicon Sometimes I wrestle with my demons. Other times we just snuggle.
←Rate | 03-31-2013 21:52 by minnie haha Comments (0)  


   messageicon Basketball. Pfft. Running back and forth. Making passes. Dribbling. I do that every Friday night.
←Rate | 03-30-2013 19:25 by minnie haha Comments (0)  


   messageicon There’s this one dumb ass that found me on Facebook and won’t give up. Repeated friend requests, inbox messages.. It’s driving me nuts. I know at some point I’ll have to give in, but just because we’re married it doesn't mean I have to like him,
←Rate | 03-30-2013 12:24 by minnie haha Comments (0)  


   messageicon Whiskey and Ambien. When you absolutely, positively, have to wake up naked on your neighbors lawn holding a mailbox.
←Rate | 03-30-2013 12:09 by minnie haha Comments (0)  


   messageicon Don't let the propeller hat fool you... I have no idea how to fly this plane.
←Rate | 03-30-2013 10:50 by minnie haha Comments (0)  


   messageicon Pay no attention to the device around my ankle.
←Rate | 03-29-2013 23:04 by minnie haha Comments (0)  


   messageicon I read that a banana a day will help keep your colon clean. I just wish they would’ve mentioned that you’re supposed to eat them.....
←Rate | 03-27-2013 19:22 by minnie haha Comments (0)  


   messageicon This morning I woke up with a HUGE smile on my face....frickin’ neighbor kids and their Sharpies......
←Rate | 03-26-2013 14:55 by minnie haha Comments (0)  


   messageicon Only because I take things ever so personally, from now on, when someone posts FML, I'll assume they mean "Fermenting My Liver."
←Rate | 03-26-2013 14:53 by minnie haha Comments (0)  


   messageicon I donated blood today. Now I can be secure in the knowledge that somewhere, some fortunate person will wake up from an operation with the sudden ability to dance badly, sing off key loudly, and giggle a lot as they walk into things. And a hangover.
←Rate | 03-26-2013 10:37 by minnie haha Comments (0)  


   messageicon Grant me the courage to change the things I can, the serenity to accept the things I cannot, and a big-a$$ed pitcher of martinis as “Plan B”
←Rate | 03-25-2013 23:05 by minnie haha Comments (0)  


   messageicon I’m having potato salad for lunch. Well, potatoes and olives. Fermented potatoes. I’m having a vodka martini for lunch.
←Rate | 03-25-2013 22:33 by minnie haha Comments (0)  


   messageicon I am only going to say this once. I want the video involving me, the Cadbury Bunny and the marshmallow Peeps returned to me by tomorrow. No questions asked.
←Rate | 03-24-2013 19:16 by minnie haha Comments (0)  


   messageicon For those of you that were wondering about my brackets: [ ] { } [ ] { } and [ ] { }
←Rate | 03-21-2013 10:47 by minnie haha Comments (0)  




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