mickeybruce Funny Status Messages

   not superstitious. maybe just a little stitious

   ohh yeahh... the sex was so good even the neighbors had a cigarette

   making my own four loko in a blender: a bottle of vodka, 4 red bulls, a bottle of cherry nyquil and a McRib. I'll be in the bathroom if you need me.

   a computer allows you to make more mistakes faster than any invention in human history... with the possible exception of handguns and tequila

   I have no problem with allowing Michael Vick to play in the NFL. However, if he ever suffers a career ending injury, he should be "put to sleep" immediately

   ...baby, if you were a sandwich at McDonald's, you'd be the McGorgeous!

   beauty is power, and a smile is its' sword.

   halfway through eating a horse and realized... I'm not as hungry as I thought

   ...yikes! saw a bunch of vegetarian zombies at the store today. all they could say was "GRRRAAAIIIIIINNNSSS"

   if at first you don't succeed, try again until you bleed

   and, finally, what do you call a deer with no eyes? I-Have-No-I-Deer!

   wonders why hedgehogs don't just share the hedge...

   if women ruled the world there would be no wars. just a bunch of jealous countries not talking to each other.

   why do men chase women they have no intention of marrying? for the same reason dogs chase cars they have no intention of driving.

   ...so you're talking and you feel like no one's listening at all? rip off a good loud fart. that'll get everybody's attention!

   really misses Tiger Woods Gatorade. But the John Daly Gatorade is pretty good, too (it has vodka in it)

   hates having to delete facebook "friends" that I like, even though they don't give a crap about me. I wish there was a facebook jail to put them in for 30 days.

   just saw the headline "Garfield cartoonist apologizes" and my first thought was "About time. That comic strip has been lame for decades"

   you should probably just let your "Honor Student" drive. You are obviously an idiot.

   not here right now. if you'd like to reach me on my cell phone, please buy me a cell phone.