jake Funny Status Messages



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   messageicon I stopped complaining about my insomnia when I found out most of my relatives died in their sleep.
←Rate | 03-30-2018 22:47 by Jake Comments (0)  


   messageicon My labrador Retriver chewed up my TV remote controll. Now every time he farts the TV turns off.
←Rate | 03-30-2018 21:27 by Jake Comments (1)  


   messageicon A friend ask me why I haven't married yet. I said if I didn't have to live with my wife I would get married.
←Rate | 03-29-2018 20:30 by Jake Comments (0)  


   messageicon Single men: To keep on enjoying your carefree life, never utter the words "I DO"
←Rate | 03-29-2018 01:16 by Jake Comments (0)  


   messageicon I don't mind that my wife goes out to play bingo every night. It's the coming back home part that bothers me.
←Rate | 03-28-2018 00:05 by Jake Comments (0)  


   messageicon Men at 20 play football, at 40 tennis, at 60 golf. Notice as they get older their balls get smaller.
←Rate | 03-27-2018 23:15 by Jake Comments (0)  


   messageicon If you're going to open a strip club. Don't name it the G spot. Because men will never be able to find it.
←Rate | 03-27-2018 22:50 by Jake Comments (0)  


   messageicon If your butt cheeks were horizonal you would applaud every time you ran up the stairs.
←Rate | 03-27-2018 22:46 by Jake Comments (4)  


   messageicon Switching off my mother inlaw's life support machine was very difficult. I had to fight off a doctor, a nurse and two security guards. Beeeeeeeep
←Rate | 03-23-2018 22:33 by Jake Comments (0)  


   messageicon When I first met my wife she had a little heart tattoo between her breasts. Now it's her belly button.
←Rate | 03-23-2018 21:56 by Jake Comments (0)  


   messageicon A university's study of the human brain said the only difference between a wowan's brain and a man's brain is that the woman's brain is located in their head.
←Rate | 03-22-2018 23:01 by Jake Comments (0)  


   messageicon Since Easter sunday is also April fool's day as a April fool's prank. Besides dyeing raw eggs (That I mention in an earlies status) I also willbe substituting the candy choclate balls with chocolate covered brussel sprouts.
←Rate | 03-22-2018 22:27 by Jake Comments (1)  


   messageicon With all the misspelled words trump has tweeted. I hope he never tweets "Preparing to launch." In stead of "lunch"
←Rate | 03-22-2018 20:19 by Jake Comments (3)  


   messageicon With all the white house leaks, they should lay in a supply of depends.
←Rate | 03-22-2018 19:49 by Jake Comments (0)  


   messageicon My wife could not deside who to marry me or another guy who proposed to her. So she tossed a coin. I lost.
←Rate | 03-21-2018 21:00 by Jake Comments (0)  


   messageicon After 10 years of marriage my wife finally made me happy in the bedroom. She put in a 42'' tv a min fridge full of beer and she sleeps in the spare bedroom.
←Rate | 03-21-2018 19:35 by Jake Comments (0)  


   messageicon My love life is terrible. The last woman I was inside of was the statue of liberty.
←Rate | 03-21-2018 19:21 by Jake Comments (0)  


   messageicon My wife is so bad at housekeeping, that our dog buries his bones in our carpet.
←Rate | 03-20-2018 02:19 by Jake Comments (0)  


   messageicon How many people with ADHD does it take to change...... ooh butterfly
←Rate | 03-19-2018 15:23 by Jake Comments (0)  


   messageicon Breast reduction is just another way a woman has to get something off her chest.
←Rate | 03-19-2018 13:44 by Jake Comments (0)  


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