jake Funny Status Messages



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   messageicon I'm not saying my wife is overweight or eats to much, but I had too put an engery saving lightbulb in the fridge.
←Rate | 07-30-2018 13:53 by Jake Comments (1)  


   messageicon You always hear the wife complain about their husband leaving the toilet seat up. But you'll never hear the husband complain about the wife leaving the toilet seat down.
←Rate | 07-30-2018 03:29 by Jake Comments (0)  


   messageicon Wives are like newspapers. They have a new issue every day
←Rate | 07-29-2018 06:08 by Jake Comments (0)  


   messageicon For the first time I went into another room an actually remembered why I went there...... Ok so it was the bathroom but still I remembered.
←Rate | 07-27-2018 22:09 by Jake Comments (0)  


   messageicon I asked my wife what would you do if I won the lottery? She said I'd take half, then leave you. Great, I won $50.00 here's $25.00 bye bye.
←Rate | 07-27-2018 21:03 by Jake Comments (0)  


   messageicon What do you call a man who has everything? A bachelor.
←Rate | 07-27-2018 17:21 by Jake Comments (1)  


   messageicon If athletes get athlete's foot and tennis players get tennis elbow. What do gynecologists get........ Tunnel vision.
←Rate | 07-26-2018 20:24 by Jake Comments (1)  


   messageicon 20 years ago we had Johnny Cash, Bob Hope and Steve Jobs. Now we have no cash. no hope and no jobs. Hope nothing happens to kevin Bacon.
←Rate | 07-25-2018 21:37 by Jake Comments (2)  


   messageicon I will only date a woman 3 times. I'm not scared of commitment. I'm scared my wife will find out.
←Rate | 07-25-2018 14:59 by Jake Comments (0)  


   messageicon I found a real money maker in selling homing pigeons....... So far this month I sold mine 4 times.
←Rate | 07-24-2018 20:59 by Jake Comments (0)  


   messageicon Bad decision: Believing we're from the government and we're here to help you.
←Rate | 07-24-2018 03:53 by Jake Comments (0)  


   messageicon Wonder why a wonderbra is called a wonderbra? Because you wonder where their tits went when they take it off.
←Rate | 07-23-2018 15:14 by Jake Comments (0)  


   messageicon Confuius said "Never check the depth of water with both feet."
←Rate | 07-22-2018 21:56 by Jake Comments (0)  


   messageicon Bad decision: Saying come in to a Jehovah Witness at your door.
←Rate | 07-22-2018 15:59 by Jake Comments (0)  


   messageicon Husbands calm down are two words you should never say to your wife.
←Rate | 07-22-2018 15:52 by Jake Comments (0)  


   messageicon Wives if your husband says something and you're not around to hear it is he still wrong?
←Rate | 07-22-2018 15:16 by Jake Comments (0)  


   messageicon Seven qualities I look for in a woman. 1. Beautiful. 2. Intelligent. 3. Gentle. 4. Thoughtful. 5. Innocent. 6. Trustworthy. 7. Sensible . Or in short B.I.G.T.I.T.S.
←Rate | 07-21-2018 03:10 by Jake Comments (0)  


   messageicon Wife said you always come home in a bad mood. I can't remember the last time you came home in a good one. I said of course not..... that's because you weren't home.
←Rate | 07-21-2018 00:52 by Jake Comments (0)  


   messageicon My kids treat me like a god. They ignore my existence untill they need something.
←Rate | 07-21-2018 00:27 by Jake Comments (0)  


   messageicon Moms, Save money on cereal by putting generic cereal in a bran name box. That way the kids will never know their eating generic cereal.
←Rate | 07-20-2018 22:42 by Jake Comments (2)  


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