g0re Funny Status Messages

   please ignore this status, I am standing in public alone and I don't want to seem like a total loner, so I am making it look like I am textin

   that awkard moment when your trapped in the corner of your shower because the cold water came out

   who else pretends someone you like is randomly watchin u, so that you do whatever you were doing 10x better?

   To do list: go to a bank wearing a ski mask. complete a normal transaction. leave as if nothing happened.

   you know your hungry when your stomach sounds like chewbacca with a ballpoint pen up his a$$

   DEAR SIDEWALK, Please get wider... SINCERELY, 3rd FRIEND WALKING BEHIND FEELING EXCLUDED.

   "I wasn't that drunk" "Dude, you picked up a little Mexícan girl and screamed, 'DORA! I NEED YOUR MAP TO GET HOME!'" @____@

   WOMAN'S LOGIC... Bikini: no problem Underwear and Bra: OMG!!! DONT LOOK!!!

   Everybody talks about my drinking but nobody talks about my thirst.

   bThe awkard moment when the only thing you know on your test is your name.

   The awkard moment when you realize Valentines day is approaching fast and the only one who loves you is your pet..

   Last night I jerked off so good that when I woke up my D!ck was in the kitchen making breakfast

   Me: I wasn't that drunk.. Myself: Dude, you were talking to yourself! Me: ...and... Myself: ...and you still are.

   "On a scale of 1-100 how immature are you?" "69"

   I used to play sports. Then I realised you can buy trophies.. Now I am good at everything.

   I do the perfect imitation of a slug being poured salt on when my mom turns the light on in my room this early

   Whoever said "you can't fold a piece of paper in half 8 times" has clearly never seen me wipe my a$$ with the last sheet of toilet paper.

   i have 2 sisters,one 14 and the other 6. the 14 year old was arguing with the 6 year old and said" SANTA ISN'T REAL!" without blinking,the 6 year old said"neither is edward cullen!" I don't wanna be mean so i'll say this,one ran away crying.

   Whenever I'm frustrated, I like picturing my enemies being d!ck-slapped in the face. ..not by mine of course. I wanna hurt em, not kill em

   Theres always that cart at walmart with an oval wheel. I'm all like "I wanna go look at games!" but its like "Nah b!tch, we're going to produce"