flinnie Funny Status Messages



Sort:  Recent   |  Oldest  |  Rating
Filter On | Filter Off | No Trump


Search Messages:
[Clear]

Search results for status messages containing 'flinnie': View All Messages
Page: 2 of 64

   messageicon Welcome to passive aggressive training. None of you appear to be very bright... but I'm sure you'll do great!
←Rate | 10-03-2015 10:07 by flinnie Comments (0)  


   messageicon If I'm ever in a coma, promise me you'll slip pizza into my IV.
←Rate | 10-03-2015 10:04 by flinnie Comments (0)  


   messageicon Five Secrets of Successful People: 1. Don't 2. Tell 3. Anyone 4. Your 5. Secrets
←Rate | 09-25-2015 17:22 by flinnie Comments (0)  


   messageicon If you'd asked me to guess which groups would be really into wearing sunglasses, I would not have gotten 'blind people.'
←Rate | 09-04-2015 16:10 by flinnie Comments (0)  


   messageicon If it looks like a duck, walks like a duck, and quacks like a duck WHAT IS IT DOING HERE I'M TRYING TO SLEEP
←Rate | 09-04-2015 16:05 by flinnie Comments (0)  


   messageicon Why do birds suddenly appear every time you are near? I mean EVERY TIME! It's freakish and it can't really be safe.
←Rate | 08-08-2015 06:56 by flinnie Comments (0)  


   messageicon While you're out partying, I'm playing Connect Four with Thin Mints, by myself. Who's the loser now? Not me I've won 5 sleeves times in a row.
←Rate | 08-08-2015 06:13 by flinnie Comments (0)  


   messageicon Was asked to join the Optimist Club the other day but I just had this feeling that no good would come of it.
←Rate | 08-08-2015 06:08 by flinnie Comments (0)  


   messageicon I have nothing in common with people that think about work when they're at home. I don't even think about work when I'm there.
←Rate | 08-08-2015 06:04 by flinnie Comments (0)  


   messageicon Fun thing to do #26: Stand 20 ft in front of the Walmart greeter and greet people before he gets a chance.
←Rate | 07-14-2015 22:04 by flinnie Comments (0)  


   messageicon I don't mean to brag, but I just completed my 21 day cleanse in 3 hours and 15 minutes.
←Rate | 07-05-2015 19:44 by flinnie Comments (0)  


   messageicon Float like a butterfly, sting like a bee, bite like a mosquito, carry 100 times your body weight like an ant.
←Rate | 07-05-2015 19:36 by flinnie Comments (0)  


   messageicon A new study shows that as people get older women retain memory better than men. This just proves that thing my wife told me...
←Rate | 06-20-2015 17:37 by flinnie Comments (0)  


   messageicon I'm funnier online than in person, and funnier in print than online, but I'm at my funniest when you have no interaction with me at all.
←Rate | 06-20-2015 17:04 by flinnie Comments (0)  


   messageicon Sometimes I wonder if I could get away with murder, but then I remember I can’t even eat pancakes without getting syrup all over me.
←Rate | 06-20-2015 16:59 by flinnie Comments (0)  


   messageicon I could never hate someone for their political views when I can hate them for the way they chew.
←Rate | 06-02-2015 11:23 by flinnie Comments (0)  


   messageicon I just had salmon, raspberries & pine nuts for supper. Somewhere, out there, a grizzly bear is searching for his soulmate.
←Rate | 05-22-2015 05:14 by flinnie Comments (0)  


   messageicon Son needed a topic for his science project and I suggested "A Science Project That Wasn't 100% Completed By Dad."
←Rate | 05-13-2015 05:26 by flinnie Comments (0)  


   messageicon My superpower is saying "you too" after the waitress giving me my food says "enjoy your meal."
←Rate | 04-30-2015 12:09 by flinnie Comments (0)  


   messageicon My parents never allowed violent video games. Just family-friendly board games with questions like, "Who murdered this guy with a pipe?"
←Rate | 04-29-2015 12:23 by flinnie Comments (0)  



[Search Results] [View All Messages]
Submit your own funny facebook status message here:
Name:
Status Message:

... characters left