Truman Funny Status Messages

   I've probably spent a solid year of my life just staring into the refrigerator!

   For a ski team, these guys in the 7-11 sure have a lot of guns!

   Because of Shania Twain I haven't been impressed much since 1997.

   The downside of fame! I can't walk out of a nice restaurant without immediately being harassed and hounded by a waiter waving a bill?

   It seems only yesterday, my dear old mum telling me to wash my food before eating it! A lovely woman, but terrible sandwiches!

   Technology has improved men's sex lives over the last 20 years! The pages of Porn-tube don't get stuck together!

   If whales are so smart, why do they swim so close to Japan?

   I noticed that the killer crocodile had an 80s dude on his shirt pocket!

   Show me a man who calls himself a vegan and I'll show you a man who's trying to sleep with a vegan!

   Pictures of missing rich kids should go on the back of skimmed-milk!

   Spent the last twenty minutes trying to get my sideburns even and now I'm sporting a Mohawk!

   "So this is Christmas, and what have you done?" The start of a John Lennon song, or the wife about to start an argument?

   I went to my girlfriend’s funeral today..and met her parents for the first time! What a pair of miserable folks!

   In 1984 a light aircraft killed a jogger while making an emergency landing on a South Carolina beach.. which is why I don't jog!!

   If I were any more hungry right now, Madonna would adopt me!

   I would pay so much money to watch the Harlem Globetrotters change a baby!

   Not so great minds also think alike!

   "Who let the dogs out?" - [Pavlov getting annoyed]

   British PhD student Matthew Hedges has been pardoned in the United Arab Emirates! All he has to do is visit the Embassy to pick up his papers!

   I remember going to see Dr Hook in the 80s. Worst prostate exam ever!! 😲