Stevielea Funny Status Messages

   In a crowded room I like to let out a silent but deadly fart then shout "do I smell popcorn" so everyone gets a good whiff!

   ATTENTION!!! Heavy rain is on the forecast this week, please use permanent markers for your eyebrows.

   If I'm ever on life support, unplug me..... then plug me back in. See if that works.

   He wiped away her tears and accidentally her eyebrows too!

   I cut the swooshes of my nike socks and sold them to my neighbours wife to use as eyebrows.

   If you glue a dead wasp to your palm, you can smack your boss on the back of the head as hard as you want and act like you saved him.

   An average person farts 13 times a day......... finally!! I'm above average at something.

   I'm busier than a cucumber in a woman's prison!

   Thank you for all your kind messages on my birthday.....and thank you Facebook for reminding them.

   When I was younger I used to sneak out Of my home to go to parties, now I sneak away from parties to go home.

   I'm afraid if I start working out, I'll be too sexy.

   I didn't go to the gym today,....but the cashier's name at Macdonald's was Jim...sooo same thing.

   Keep the earth clean! It isn't Uranus!

   "Just because she weighed as much as 2 people, that doesn't mean you had a threesome."

   Out of all the utensils to eat rice with how the f*@k did 2 sticks win?

   Facebook just suggested I poke my wife.....yeah good one Facebook.....been trying for weeks!

   Saw a middle-eastern friend shaking a carpet on 6th floor balcony. I called out "what's wrong ahmed, won't it start."

   it just me, or is Tom cruise starting to look like a middle aged lesbian?

   Gas prices are so expensive...it would be cheaper to buy cocaine and run everywhere!

   ATTENTION: Due to BBQ setbacks, my ripped beach body Will be postponed another year. Thank you for understanding.