Nunthewizr Funny Status Messages



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   messageicon Screaming "Autobots, ROLL OUT" at someone in a wheelchair isn't funny. Everyone knows handicapped people are Decepticons................and my place in Hell is secured for the day.
←Rate | 02-04-2014 19:55 by Nunthewizr Comments (0)  


   messageicon I cant think of a single life situation that cannot be improved by wearing tear away pants.
←Rate | 02-04-2014 19:55 by Nunthewizr Comments (0)  


   messageicon Two things you can always be certain about when it comes to women: 1) They're always cold. 2) It’s somehow your fault.
←Rate | 02-04-2014 19:53 by Nunthewizr Comments (0)  


   messageicon They’re gathering information by going through our trash. Learning. Plotting. Raccoons haven’t forgotten that we used to wear them as hats.
←Rate | 02-04-2014 19:50 by Nunthewizr Comments (0)  


   messageicon Valet parking is just Canadian car jacking.
←Rate | 02-04-2014 19:50 by Nunthewizr Comments (0)  


   messageicon Got an anxiety attack when I first heard DC was shutting down. Then I breathed a sigh of relief when I realized it wasn’t the comic books.
←Rate | 10-13-2013 18:33 by Nunthewizr Comments (0)  


   messageicon How long are we gonna joke about the government shutting down and pretend like Skynet didn’t just go online?
←Rate | 10-13-2013 18:32 by Nunthewizr Comments (0)  


   messageicon When I see a guy sleeping on an unfolded cardboard box, I never know if he's homeless or just tired from breakdancing.
←Rate | 10-13-2013 18:29 by Nunthewizr Comments (0)  


   messageicon Life would be better if squirrels liked sitting on our shoulders. You can’t be sad with a cool squirrel friend on your shoulder.
←Rate | 10-13-2013 18:28 by Nunthewizr Comments (0)  


   messageicon Walmart Guy: Sir, it should take about thirty minutes for your oil change. If you want to do some shopping, we will call your name out over the loudspeaker when we are finished. Me: If you want to live, you will not call my name out over the loudspeaker.
←Rate | 09-28-2013 14:50 by Nunthewizr Comments (0)  


   messageicon I have nothing against people who choose to smoke but that whole little thing you do, with cracking your car window and blowing smoke out doesn’t help. Umm….yeah….your car still stinks.
←Rate | 09-28-2013 14:34 by Nunthewizr Comments (0)  


   messageicon In other news....Hannah Montana changes her name to Hannah Idaho.
←Rate | 08-27-2013 16:13 by Nunthewizr Comments (0)  


   messageicon Sometimes I run toward people and get so frustrated that they don't know I want to do the Dirty Dancing lift. Then it just becomes awkward.
←Rate | 08-16-2013 20:23 by Nunthewizr Comments (0)  


   messageicon It's always awkward ending phone calls with loved ones. I'm always like, "I love you," and they're like, "Thank you for choosing Pizza Hut."
←Rate | 08-16-2013 20:21 by Nunthewizr Comments (0)  


   messageicon I wish people would be honest in their FB posts, like, "Happy birthday to my slightly less than average looking kind of friend, Jenny."
←Rate | 08-16-2013 20:21 by Nunthewizr Comments (0)  


   messageicon Very little scares me. So does very big.
←Rate | 08-16-2013 20:20 by Nunthewizr Comments (0)  


   messageicon Only you can prevent bathroom mirror pictures.
←Rate | 08-07-2013 21:08 by Nunthewizr Comments (0)  


   messageicon The term "chubby chasers" is so misleading and inaccurate. They don't run.
←Rate | 08-07-2013 21:07 by Nunthewizr Comments (0)  


   messageicon snaxting a thing? Like texting each other pictures of your snacks? Because I kind of think I'd be good at that.
←Rate | 08-07-2013 21:07 by Nunthewizr Comments (0)  


   messageicon Which is creepier. Being in a bathroom stall and looking out through the crack in the door, you see someone looking back? Or looking into the stall and you see someone looking out?
←Rate | 08-01-2013 11:08 by Nunthewizr Comments (0)  




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