Markf Funny Status Messages



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   messageicon A lot of people were confused at the grand opening ceremony of our ribbon-repair business
←Rate | 01-09-2018 20:57 by markf Comments (0)  


   messageicon How do dragons blow out candles on their birthday cake?
←Rate | 01-09-2018 17:58 by markf Comments (0)  


   messageicon "Lindsay Lohan bitten by snake while on vacation in Thailand" I can't get my head around how a snake can be that organized
←Rate | 01-02-2018 20:06 by markf Comments (0)  


   messageicon I am waiting for the Fitbit upgrade that lets me buy 5000 extra steps
←Rate | 12-22-2017 17:57 by markf Comments (0)  


   messageicon If we didn't have phones and had to go back to writing notes to each other on paper the hardest part would be drawing all the emojis
←Rate | 12-22-2017 17:51 by markf Comments (0)  


   messageicon Want to see somethine scary? When your house is full of teenagers for the holidays, unplug your wi-fi.
←Rate | 12-19-2017 11:09 by markf Comments (0)  


   messageicon The best part of paying $49 for this new toy for my son's Christmas present is knowing how happy some other kid will be in 3 months when we donate it to a thrift store
←Rate | 12-16-2017 07:39 by markf Comments (0)  


   messageicon I can't wait for Amazon's new Blackmail service, where you hush money for that thing Alexa overheard
←Rate | 12-13-2017 09:34 by markf Comments (0)  


   messageicon I can finally join the crowd that says THE BOOK WAS BETTER now that most movies are about comic book heroes
←Rate | 12-01-2017 22:58 by markf Comments (0)  


   messageicon Wondering if there are any cold days in Hell, and if so does Satan slam his fist and say, "okay what band just got back together?"
←Rate | 11-07-2017 11:43 by markf Comments (0)  


   messageicon I started the month eating candy every day to get ready for Halloween
←Rate | 10-26-2017 22:31 by markf Comments (0)  


   messageicon Instead of buying a mass produced pumpkin at the store, this year my family will adopt one from a shelter
←Rate | 10-22-2017 20:58 by markf Comments (1)  


   messageicon The most impoprtant thing I have learned about parenthood is many times my parents must have come close to child murder.
←Rate | 10-18-2017 12:38 by markf Comments (0)  


   messageicon Someone just told me to take it one day at a time. I wish I had known there was another option.
←Rate | 10-15-2017 00:37 by markf Comments (0)  


   messageicon I'm reaching the point where I really hope it's not possible to be annoyed to death.
←Rate | 10-15-2017 00:19 by markf Comments (0)  


   messageicon If I live to be 100, I will just make up a reason when people ask how. "I eat acorns every day."
←Rate | 10-02-2017 19:00 by markf Comments (0)  


   messageicon When I leave home on time for something I have that sure feeling that I forgot something
←Rate | 10-02-2017 18:49 by markf Comments (0)  


   messageicon Think I will use this CSV receipt to wrap up like a mummy for Halloween. BONUS: You can scan me for $1 off any 2 liter drink
←Rate | 09-28-2017 21:42 by markf Comments (0)  


   messageicon Not sure who will be performing at the Super Bowl half-time this season but I am already furious about it
←Rate | 09-26-2017 08:59 by markf Comments (0)  


   messageicon I am wondering if female squirrells only get 80% of the acorns that males get
←Rate | 09-26-2017 08:29 by markf Comments (0)  




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