K-Mac Funny Status Messages

   If you forward these idiotic chain posts and "If I get a thousand likes" posts, I automatically think you're stupid.

   Arkansas just passed a law allowing people to caring guns in church. If you need a gun in church, I don't even want to hear what you believe in for a God.

   Can't wait til Feb. 15th...otherwise known as 1/2 price chocolate day.

   Do the Chinese realize that when they visit this country, they buy souvenirs made in their country.

   Been chewing for over 50 years now......you'd think I'd know where the insides of my cheeks are by now.

   What's up these Cinnamon Toast Crunch commercials promoting cannibalism?

   Celebrating black history month by not pulling my pants up.

   I found that my power went out briefly while I was sleeping, So I woke and my coffee was NOT ready and waiting for me. What an utterly horrible way to start the day. I had to wait five minutes, FIVE MINUTES! for my coffee. I feel like a caveman.

   Actually saw two young people talking today. Parents must have grounded them from their phones.

   I have DirecTV...where's my genie??

   I rubbed my cats back and forth on the carpet for ten minutes, now they can shoot lightning out of their eyes, They're running around playing laser tag.

   Tried to kill a spider with deodorant. He's still alive, but he smells great.

   On my to the ER. I was preparing dinner and accidentally opened a can of whoop-ass.

   CSI never ceases to amaze me. They are inside and they look all around with flashlights...flick a light on. Now I'm watching and they are outside in broad daylight using their flashlights looking at a puddle of blood.

   Facebook sure is quiet this morning....wonder why.

   I bet if we got congress high there would be so many solutions and a new budget for Doritos

   I tried that "Take a laxative to stop coughing, you'll be afraid to cough" remedy. It was going great....until I sneezed.

   Just took some cough syrup. I made that scrunchie face and shook my head just like I was a little kid.

   A friend of mine called herself a geniust....yes your heard right, a geniust. I didn't have the heart to tell her.

   Well, time to get dressed and go Christmas shopping. What time does Walgreens close?