John Y Funny Status Messages

   I prefer my water to be frozen into cubes and completely surrounded by vodka and tonic...

   So let me get this straight...The new twenty dollar bill is going to feature Harriet Tubman using the men's room at a target?

   9 out of 10 men prefer women, and that other guy, well he prefers one of those 9 men.

   Roses are red, they go in a bucket, they cost 60 bucks so you'd better...

   The woman in front of me at Kroger had a box of wine, a flower arrangement, some cat treats and two packages of batteries. Is it wrong for me to assume that she is single and treating herself to a day in?

   Yesterday a friend asked me if I would like to go on a Valentine's Day date, but when I asked her who it would be with and if I knew her she got all pissy and stormed off. Another day alone I guess, I just can't catch a break.

   Success is 1% inspiration 98% perspiration and 2% attention to detail.

   I've decided not to workout today. Instead I'll be working on my ABS of beer.

   I was beginning to wonder if the winter's directly before a presidential election year were all warmer than usual due these lie spuing politicians and the amount of hot air hey were expelling.

   I remember a time when I was overly optimistic about the great things that were to come in the new year. Well...here's to not stepping in dog siht while checking the mail in 2016.

   I just had a WTF moment when Adele stoped singing and immediately turned into Mrs. Doubtfire. I also just learned that she has a potty mouth, and I like it!

   Just an FYI, whether I know you or not if you're a guy and you send me a friend request and your profile picture is you in a mirror shirtless mmm bye bye.

   Facebook: Where others entertain you with their boredom.

   I've heard enough of this Black Friday crap. The sooner we realize that all Fridays matter the better off we'll be as a society.

   Well apparently the Tiger Blood that Charlie Sheen has running through his vains came from the same hooker that Magic Johnson was boning.

   This No-Shave November is just a guy thing right? I'm not a big fan of surprises.

   I just gave my "friends list" a good douching. It's been a while, and it was getting a little funky with all of those people in there.

   To the 42 friends that are currently available to chat at 3:11 in the afternoon... Get a job you losers! Oh, wait...

   I don't remember how the saying goes, but I think it's Rum before Whiskey, before Vodka, = Heart Palpitations.

   If you put anything in your mouth that Bill Cosby gives you, he'll probably be putting something else in there in the very near future. Somebody should probably just kill him!