JMartin Funny Status Messages



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   messageicon All I'm saying is black actors never adopt poor white babies. Pretty selfish, blactors.
←Rate | 12-11-2012 19:56 by JMartin Comments (0)  


   messageicon Now that I think about it, the Good Humor man never said anything funny. But, who needs a personality when you have ice cream?
←Rate | 12-11-2012 19:55 by JMartin Comments (0)  


   messageicon Unfortunately, showing that much cleavage doesn't fix your face.
←Rate | 12-10-2012 14:09 by JMartin Comments (0)  


   messageicon I just met a nerdy spider. He`s a web designer.
←Rate | 12-10-2012 14:06 by JMartin Comments (0)  


   messageicon My pet butterfly just got a tattoo of my lower back.
←Rate | 12-10-2012 14:05 by JMartin Comments (0)  


   messageicon My main plan for success is that all the better people quit first.
←Rate | 12-10-2012 14:04 by JMartin Comments (0)  


   messageicon It's not officially the holiday season until I've ignored a Salvation Army Santa.
←Rate | 12-10-2012 14:01 by JMartin Comments (0)  


   messageicon Kate Middleton's fetus is already richer than I'll ever be. :(
←Rate | 12-10-2012 14:00 by JMartin Comments (0)  


   messageicon Only a real genius could say these four words fast without getting tongue tied: eye, yam, stew, peed
←Rate | 12-09-2012 21:12 by JMartin Comments (0)  


   messageicon Baby Jesus doesn't care if my gift to you came from the dollar store and neither should you.
←Rate | 12-09-2012 16:53 by JMartin Comments (0)  


   messageicon Unfortunately, there was a lot more camel toe than mistletoe at the office Christmas party last night.
←Rate | 12-09-2012 16:53 by JMartin Comments (0)  


   messageicon What happens on Santa's lap.......stays on Santa's lap.
←Rate | 12-09-2012 16:50 by JMartin Comments (0)  


   messageicon I promise to love you for better or until things get worse.
←Rate | 09-29-2012 14:56 by JMartin Comments (0)  


   messageicon Get off goddamn Internet, go out & live your life! I'll be here when you get back. :)
←Rate | 09-29-2012 14:56 by JMartin Comments (0)  


   messageicon I have ADHD. Yup..... high-definition TV in the years after the birth of Jesus.
←Rate | 09-29-2012 14:55 by JMartin Comments (0)  


   messageicon No smartphones for my kids. They need to suffer from years of fleeting, awkward eye contact with strangers like I did.
←Rate | 09-27-2012 15:22 by JMartin Comments (0)  


   messageicon My boyfriend says I treat him like a child. So I gave him a sticker for standing up for himself.
←Rate | 09-27-2012 15:21 by JMartin Comments (0)  


   messageicon I'm only good at math when I'm adding insult to injury.
←Rate | 09-26-2012 21:45 by JMartin Comments (0)  


   messageicon In order to raise awareness of Alzheimer's Disease, I will be randomly deleting people from my facebook.
←Rate | 09-26-2012 13:22 by JMartin Comments (0)  


   messageicon The mullet is just a helmet for domestic violence.
←Rate | 09-26-2012 13:20 by JMartin Comments (0)  




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