JAKE Funny Status Messages



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   messageicon To the person who stole my diet pills, you have nothing to gain.
←Rate | 08-03-2018 16:10 by Jake Comments (0)  


   messageicon What's the matter with you guys? Did you break your laugh box or something?
←Rate | 08-02-2018 18:25 by Jake Comments (0)  


   messageicon Wives, husbands talk in their sleep because it's the only time they get a chance to talk.
←Rate | 08-02-2018 16:11 by Jake Comments (0)  


   messageicon Who ever invented the knock knock joke should get the no bell prize.
←Rate | 08-02-2018 14:51 by Jake Comments (0)  


   messageicon Cat: Hey. Me: Hey cat. Cat: What are you doing? Me: Smoking a joint, I think I'm stone. Cat: Ya think?
←Rate | 08-01-2018 17:43 by Jake Comments (0)  


   messageicon Losing your wife can be difficult. I know because I've been trying to lose mine for years.
←Rate | 07-31-2018 18:23 by Jake Comments (0)  


   messageicon What business makes money by driving their customers away........ A taxi.
←Rate | 07-31-2018 14:57 by Jake Comments (0)  


   messageicon Who ever stole my antidepressants, I hope you're happy.
←Rate | 07-30-2018 14:49 by Jake Comments (0)  


   messageicon I'm not saying my wife is overweight or eats to much, but I had too put an engery saving lightbulb in the fridge.
←Rate | 07-30-2018 13:53 by Jake Comments (1)  


   messageicon You always hear the wife complain about their husband leaving the toilet seat up. But you'll never hear the husband complain about the wife leaving the toilet seat down.
←Rate | 07-30-2018 03:29 by Jake Comments (0)  


   messageicon Wives are like newspapers. They have a new issue every day
←Rate | 07-29-2018 06:08 by Jake Comments (0)  


   messageicon For the first time I went into another room an actually remembered why I went there...... Ok so it was the bathroom but still I remembered.
←Rate | 07-27-2018 22:09 by Jake Comments (0)  


   messageicon I asked my wife what would you do if I won the lottery? She said I'd take half, then leave you. Great, I won $50.00 here's $25.00 bye bye.
←Rate | 07-27-2018 21:03 by Jake Comments (0)  


   messageicon What do you call a man who has everything? A bachelor.
←Rate | 07-27-2018 17:21 by Jake Comments (1)  


   messageicon If athletes get athlete's foot and tennis players get tennis elbow. What do gynecologists get........ Tunnel vision.
←Rate | 07-26-2018 20:24 by Jake Comments (1)  


   messageicon 20 years ago we had Johnny Cash, Bob Hope and Steve Jobs. Now we have no cash. no hope and no jobs. Hope nothing happens to kevin Bacon.
←Rate | 07-25-2018 21:37 by Jake Comments (2)  


   messageicon I will only date a woman 3 times. I'm not scared of commitment. I'm scared my wife will find out.
←Rate | 07-25-2018 14:59 by Jake Comments (0)  


   messageicon I found a real money maker in selling homing pigeons....... So far this month I sold mine 4 times.
←Rate | 07-24-2018 20:59 by Jake Comments (0)  


   messageicon Bad decision: Believing we're from the government and we're here to help you.
←Rate | 07-24-2018 03:53 by Jake Comments (0)  


   messageicon Wonder why a wonderbra is called a wonderbra? Because you wonder where their tits went when they take it off.
←Rate | 07-23-2018 15:14 by Jake Comments (0)  




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