Paul Funny Status Messages



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   messageicon This weekend is either way too short, or I don't have enough Long in my Island Iced Tea...
←Rate | 03-27-2011 20:56 by Paul Comments (0)  


   messageicon Just found out that being a "person of interest" is not as cool as it sounds.
←Rate | 03-30-2011 23:16 by Paul Comments (0)  


   messageicon I guess having a rope tied between two trees in your backyard does not mean you "own your own clothing line".
←Rate | 04-10-2011 10:31 by Paul Comments (0)  


   messageicon I wonder if my life would be better if I wrapped it in bacon?
←Rate | 04-12-2011 16:11 by Paul Comments (0)  


   messageicon I like to consider myself like King Soopers...I too, take pride in the quality of my meat.
←Rate | 05-12-2011 12:20 by Paul Comments (0)  


   messageicon Just found out that Oprah is leaving her show after 25 years. I didn't know that! How in the world could I have missed that? Oh ya, I don't give a crap...
←Rate | 05-24-2011 21:43 by Paul Comments (0)  


   messageicon So, if your wife is looking at job postings and says "Look honey, this one says I have exactly what they are looking for" and you reply "What, big boobs?". That is NOT the right answer...
←Rate | 06-29-2011 22:34 by Paul Comments (0)  


   messageicon Do you think having a fifth of Jack means something different to a cannibal?
←Rate | 07-31-2011 10:47 by Paul Comments (0)  


   messageicon Tonight is a Jim Croce night. I most definitely will be spending some time in a bottle!
←Rate | 08-01-2011 16:08 by Paul Comments (0)  


   messageicon If you LOL and no one is around, do you make a sound?
←Rate | 08-11-2011 15:33 by Paul Comments (0)  


   messageicon If you are ordering Chinese food and ask them for Miso soup, and they are out of it, do they tell you Miso sorry??
←Rate | 08-13-2011 20:53 by Paul Comments (0)  


   messageicon I read where it said that having sex burns 4 calories per minute. I mean come on, are you serious? This has to be worng. How was this ever verified? A WHOLE minute??
←Rate | 08-25-2011 17:06 by Paul Comments (0)  


   messageicon I hate when a singer I can't stand comes out with a song that is UNLIKE them and I like it and don't even realize it is them. Then someone tells me who it is and it ruins the song for me.
←Rate | 09-08-2011 22:22 by Paul Comments (0)  


   messageicon Why when you checkout at a liquor store do they tell you "Have a nice night". Is that not a given?
←Rate | 09-13-2011 19:56 by Paul Comments (0)  


   messageicon I type so badly that my auto-correct feature has a standard response of "WTF?".
←Rate | 10-03-2011 16:34 by Paul Comments (0)  


   messageicon I gave three women Corona's today and not one of them appeared in a bikini! Dang false advertising!!
←Rate | 10-13-2011 11:23 by Paul Comments (0)  


   messageicon I hear the "Occupy Wall Street" movement is headed to Las Vegas. Wow, seems like a pretty big gamble if you ask me.
←Rate | 10-13-2011 16:51 by Paul Comments (0)  


   messageicon Some people don't need an "Easy" button, they need a "STFU" button.
←Rate | 10-14-2011 13:50 by Paul Comments (0)  


   messageicon What the heck do you mean a can of Pringles is not considered ONE serving??!!
←Rate | 12-18-2011 03:34 by Paul Comments (0)  


   messageicon who was the idiot who made umbrella handles out of metal? it is like making a shark bite suit out of meat..
←Rate | 02-26-2012 00:59 by paul Comments (0)  




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