unknown comic Funny Status Messages



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   messageicon Walk up in da club like YAY! I just reached my FitBit step goal!!
←Rate | 08-08-2015 05:40 by unknown comic Comments (0)  


   messageicon Tomorrow's assignment: end every conversation with "Thank you for teaching me how to love again."
←Rate | 08-08-2015 05:41 by unknown comic Comments (0)  


   messageicon I like using those "family restrooms" because everyone can sit on the toilet together.
←Rate | 08-08-2015 05:51 by unknown comic Comments (0)  


   messageicon Diet status: Discovered that a Pringles can fits exactly into the cup holders of my truck today.
←Rate | 08-08-2015 06:03 by unknown comic Comments (0)  


   messageicon Being a baby seems fun. I mean aside from not being able to lift the weight of your own head. But the eating every 1-2 hours. That seems fun
←Rate | 08-08-2015 06:26 by unknown comic Comments (0)  


   messageicon I hate when people don't know where "to" put quotation marks.
←Rate | 08-08-2015 06:31 by unknown comic Comments (0)  


   messageicon The devil you know is better than the devil you don't. Unless the devil you know is Steve "Goat Hooves" Kapinski. That guy's the worst.
←Rate | 08-08-2015 06:34 by unknown comic Comments (0)  


   messageicon Sorry I'm late, I was waiving my hands at a paper towel dispenser that turned out to not be automatic.
←Rate | 08-23-2015 06:47 by unknown comic Comments (0)  


   messageicon I come from a long line of successful people. I decided to stop that tradition.
←Rate | 08-23-2015 06:51 by unknown comic Comments (0)  


   messageicon My favorite part about being an adult is thinking about how stupid I was as a child for wishing I was an adult.
←Rate | 08-23-2015 06:59 by unknown comic Comments (0)  


   messageicon 99% of being an adult is basically just not being mean to people you don't like anymore
←Rate | 08-23-2015 07:05 by unknown comic Comments (0)  


   messageicon Took a quiz "Which Sex and the City character are you?" Turns out I'm the bus driver who splashes Carrie in the opening credits.
←Rate | 08-30-2015 07:33 by unknown comic Comments (0)  


   messageicon I am strongly opposed to a representational democracy.... AND I VOTE!
←Rate | 09-04-2015 15:44 by unknown comic Comments (0)  


   messageicon You had me at jello. Oh you said hello. Do you have any jello? No? Why are you doing this to me?
←Rate | 09-04-2015 15:54 by unknown comic Comments (0)  


   messageicon Truth time: I've been cheating on my diet. With a younger, more attractive diet.
←Rate | 09-04-2015 16:04 by unknown comic Comments (0)  


   messageicon Remembered there were pudding cups in the fridge, so I walked faster than usual to the kitchen and now I know what a "runner's high" is.
←Rate | 09-04-2015 16:04 by unknown comic Comments (0)  


   messageicon WHAT DO WE NOT WANT? -no scrubs! WHERE DO WE NOT WANT THEM? -hangin out the passenger side of his best friends ride
←Rate | 09-04-2015 16:12 by unknown comic Comments (0)  


   messageicon The heaviest things in the world: 4) iron 3) lead 2) tungsten 1) a toddler who doesn’t want to be picked up
←Rate | 09-19-2015 07:37 by unknown comic Comments (0)  


   messageicon Sometimes I worry that I'm gonna run out of status material... Then I look around at my family and I'm like, naaa I'm good.
←Rate | 09-25-2015 17:30 by unknown comic Comments (0)  


   messageicon Hit the hay. Kick the straw. Bodyslam the alfalfa.
←Rate | 10-03-2015 10:16 by unknown comic Comments (0)  



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