trickz100 Funny Status Messages

   - When Stephen Hawking has sex does he use Condoms or Norton Anti Virus?

   - I took my ex out last night. It only took one punch :)

   - What do women and clouds have in common? Occasionally they f*ck off and it's a really nice day.

   Having heard that Steve Jobs is in hospital with only his iPad to comfort him, I've decided to release the cure for pancreatic cancer into the public domain. But only in Flash.

   "Don't worry, there's plenty more fish in the sea!" - Err, who the hell would want to date a fish? O.o

   I was asked to contribute money to help solve the civil unrest in Egypt, but I suspect it's some sort of pyramid scheme.

   A council estate in Liverpool was recently closed due to the discovery of an unidentified object. After 8 hours of scientific testing it turned out to be a payslip.

   Just a kind thought to all those born on February 29th: You've only got 1 year left to plan your birthday party :D

   Amy Winehouse Making the recession worse for drug dealers since 2011

   Just bought the wife a solar powered vibrator, seeing as the sun shines out of her arse it should save me a fortune on batteries.

   I just killed a spider with my shoe. I don't care how big spiders are but no one steals my f*cking shoes!

   Rupert Murdoch is said to be deeply touched by the messages from family and friends left on Whitney Houstons phone.

   Today, A 12 year-old came up to me and said "May I please have a cigarette?". I can't believe kids this age are already so polite.

   I tried to share a kebab with a homeless guy I saw sitting on a bench last night. He told me to f*ck off and buy my own.

   Lazy Fact #12983789127489: You were too lazy to read that number .

   12.12.12 - It's a good day to test a microphone :)

   According to my Nike Fuelband, I've just masturbated for 4 miles.

   I booked a nice table for two, then she tells me she doesn't like snooker, wtf?

   Why is it whenever I open a can of evaporated milk, it's still there?

   I took my ex out last night, it only took one punch! :)