andrew jackson Funny Status Messages



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   messageicon I was thinking "how are they going to make a movie with Grumpy Cat, she only has one emotion" but I guess if Kristen Stewart can do it...
←Rate | 05-31-2013 06:18 by andrew jackson Comments (0)  


   messageicon I've been around the block a few times. I forgot where I live.
←Rate | 06-02-2013 08:15 by andrew jackson Comments (0)  


   messageicon Sometimes if I'm alone at night I have this horrible fear that a murderous stranger will break in wearing like, the exact same outfit as me.
←Rate | 06-02-2013 08:19 by andrew jackson Comments (0)  


   messageicon Got hit by a pitch at the batting cage today so I charged the machine.
←Rate | 06-09-2013 07:07 by andrew jackson Comments (0)  


   messageicon It could be worse. Kanye and Kim originally wanted to name the kid Wild Wild.
←Rate | 06-22-2013 07:39 by andrew jackson Comments (0)  


   messageicon I can't believe all these single ladies in my area want to meet me! Must be all the free Ipads I keep winning
←Rate | 06-22-2013 07:41 by andrew jackson Comments (0)  


   messageicon FACT: I've never had a windshield wiper setting that truly satisfied me.
←Rate | 07-07-2013 15:52 by andrew jackson Comments (0)  


   messageicon Whenever I see old men on the beach with metal detectors, it makes me kind of sad. Can't you vultures just let Robocop enjoy his vacation?
←Rate | 07-09-2013 12:19 by andrew jackson Comments (0)  


   messageicon A certain "je ne sais quoi" is a terrible thing to have in a French hospital.
←Rate | 07-17-2013 12:22 by andrew jackson Comments (0)  


   messageicon If a girl is puking I will always hold her hair back. That way I can aim her head and use her as a vomit gun.
←Rate | 07-20-2013 08:30 by andrew jackson Comments (0)  


   messageicon I miss playing Capture The Flag. Adulthood is sad.
←Rate | 07-20-2013 08:40 by andrew jackson Comments (0)  


   messageicon Don't sweat the small stuff. Don't sweat the medium or large stuff either. Stop perspiring on everything. Take your sweaty butt elsewhere.
←Rate | 07-23-2013 15:25 by andrew jackson Comments (0)  


   messageicon A fun thing to do when someone asks if there's a doctor in the house is go, "No but there is A FLY MC IN THE HOUSE!" and just start rapping.
←Rate | 07-29-2013 07:43 by andrew jackson Comments (0)  


   messageicon here's to all the kids who have never found their name on anything in a souvenir store
←Rate | 08-12-2013 08:13 by andrew jackson Comments (0)  


   messageicon There are two kinds of people in the world- those I'd catch during a trust fall and those I wouldn't.
←Rate | 08-15-2013 06:34 by andrew jackson Comments (0)  


   messageicon I got all dressed for work and then remembered it's Wednesday and I don't have a job.
←Rate | 08-21-2013 13:06 by andrew jackson Comments (0)  


   messageicon I bet the best day of a "fun" building inspector's life is when a tin roof is rusted
←Rate | 08-24-2013 05:56 by andrew jackson Comments (0)  


   messageicon I want to make sure I got this straight. Ben Affleck as Batman would make Batman unbelievable?
←Rate | 08-24-2013 05:59 by andrew jackson Comments (0)  


   messageicon Chips have little nutritional value. That's why you need to eat the whole bag.
←Rate | 08-28-2013 05:35 by andrew jackson Comments (0)  


   messageicon Whenever I see an old couple holding hands, lost in eachother's eyes, I feel good, because I bet I could totally take them both if I had to.
←Rate | 09-02-2013 09:31 by andrew jackson Comments (0)  



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